John Kenny Helps Singles Break Bad Patterns and Find Secure Love

The Short Version: Old patterns are tough to shake, and they tend to be toughest in our love lives. We spoke with relationship coach John Kenny about the negative patterns people repeat with partners, where those patterns come from, and how anyone caught in them can break the cycle and start having better experiences in dating. John explained attachment styles and how the things we believe about relationships can steer the whole course of a partnership. Once we pinpoint what's holding us back and think it through honestly, we can pick up the tools to build healthier, more secure connections.

There's an old saying that wherever you go, you bring yourself along. That idea rings especially true in romance, where it shapes how we find, build, hold on to, and occasionally lose our relationships. Everyone carries certain habits into their love life, and some of those habits are healthier than others.

Left alone, bad habits can wreck a relationship and trap people in a loop of painful or toxic partnerships. When one rough relationship follows another, some people feel like giving up on dating entirely, and some even pull back from their other social connections.

Every one of us deserves a partner who loves and respects us. Finding that person can be difficult, particularly for anyone who has never experienced the healthy kind of relationship they've been hoping for.

Relationship Coach John Kenny works with people who keep ending up in toxic relationships. He told us about relationship beliefs and attachment styles, and about how people can let go of the habits and beliefs that keep them stuck.

“Put yourself out there, but also be clear about what you want,” John said. “I think it’s so important to know what you want because that determines your mindset and puts you in the space to attract that kind of person.”

Spotting and Examining Harmful Habits

According to John, most of his clients have been through a string of relationships that are basically identical underneath. “They’ve had a series of successful relationships, unhappy relationships, painful relationships, and the same issues come up in all of them,” he said.

Some clients recognize the pattern, while others have no idea it exists. “Some people are blissfully unaware that there’s a pattern,” John said. “They just know they’re not being very successful in the relationship field.”

Whether or not they see the pattern, John said, his clients want to grow and find a companion who truly fulfills them. “It’s all about getting them into a healthier, more positive mindset around relationships, so they can go out and find someone they want to spend some time with.”

Along with free resources and online programs, John Kenny provides one-on-one coaching and more.

An anxious attachment style shows up in the relationships of many of John's clients. People who attach anxiously tend to feel tense and unsure about where they stand with a partner, and that anxiety can end up hurting the relationship.

Whatever difficulties clients bring to him, John concentrates on handing them practical tools for improving their relationships across their lives. The goal is to approach dating and new relationships with an optimistic outlook while staying alert to old patterns.

John Helps Clients Match Their Beliefs to Their Desires

Limiting beliefs about relationships can grow out of a history of toxic partnerships, and they can also shape how someone behaves while looking for and building a relationship. Such beliefs tell a person how to act with a partner and whom to pursue for romance.

“I think the most common limiting belief is that it’s never going to happen for them,” John said. “They think that all the good people are gone, they’ve been through enough relationships, and they start to think they can’t find a relationship they deserve, or that they don’t deserve it.”

People bring these beliefs into every relationship, and the beliefs affect the way they attach to a partner. John said the trouble often gets worse because many people with limiting beliefs don't realize those beliefs are holding them back.

John encourages his clients to approach dating in a positive way.

“I’ll say most people are unaware of that belief,” John said. “But many people carry beliefs about what they deserve in a relationship.” In his view, what someone believes they're owed by a partner can strongly shape who they go looking for. When those beliefs don't line up in a healthy way with what a person actually wants, they tend to land in relationships that confirm the negative beliefs all over again.

“To give an example, say a person has a belief that all relationships are unsustainable, and they’re never going to last,” John said. “When they go into relationships, they will always reestablish those beliefs.”

Beliefs like these damage both the bond you have with yourself and the ones you have with others, and John said that handling them starts with seeing that they aren't true. “It’s all about shifting the belief– and realizing that it’s just a myth.”

Coaching Programs That Build Stronger Relationships

Negative patterns and limiting beliefs both come from deeper issues, and working through those issues gives singles the understanding they need to move into healthier relationships. John's coaching services and courses are built to help singles do the inner work required to face these issues and get past them.

John built Get Relationship Ready, a coaching program lasting 10 weeks, to give singles a strong base for secure dating. It helps participants look at why they haven't yet had the relationship they want and what steps they can take to start finding it.

Over the course of the program, singles work through six fundamentals that John said they must understand before they're ready for a secure relationship. Every video lesson tackles a different topic, such as secure attachment and relationship beliefs.

Designed for singles who are ready for the real thing, Get Relationship Ready is a coaching program lasting 10 weeks.

The course takes 10 weeks to finish. John offers Get Relationship Ready in two versions: one with the online video program alone, and one that adds group coaching courses to the video program.

Becoming relationship-ready takes real work, and singles who've had a hard time in past relationships and are now focusing on themselves may wonder when it's time to date again. Only you can say when you're ready to return to dating, but John said your best move is to hold off until you've reached a healthy place.

“I think as long as you’re in a space where you’re working on yourself and you understand where you’re coming from as far as your relationship stuff is concerned, you’re ready to step back in,” John said. “Putting the things you learned into practice is the main thing.”