Ashley Madison Safety Guide: Staying Safe and Discreet
Whoever you are and whatever you’re into, there’s usually a dating platform built for it, even if you aren’t strictly single. People who’ve explored affairs, open relationships, or other kinds of non-monogamy know Ashley Madison as a go-to site for no-strings dating.
Ashley Madison started out marketed as a platform for married daters. Today it bills itself as “where desire meets discretion,” so it adapts to anyone who values privacy, whatever their relationship status.
Maybe you want to date married people, or maybe you just want a hookup partner who won’t dig into your personal life. Either way, Ashley Madison is a great spot for keeping things casual.
Ashley Madison’s emphasis on “discretion” means you can keep a lot of yourself under wraps. Keep reading to find out how to use the site while guarding both your safety and your privacy.
1. Set Up a Secure Ashley Madison Account
Signing up for Ashley Madison is fairly simple. As you go through profile creation, the site asks for your gender, the gender you’re seeking, your date of birth, your country, and your ZIP code.
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On the website you’ll need an email address; on the app, a phone number. Each one gets verified. If you’d rather not link your main email to Ashley Madison, set up a burner address for it. You’ll have to open that inbox to verify your profile.
Next, you pick a username, which is shown next to your profile on the site, plus a password.
Should your profile get flagged as “suspicious,” there are extra hoops: a check of either your phone number or a government ID. That may seem like plenty of personal data to hand over, but Ashley Madison says it deletes your ID details once the verification is complete.
2. Make a Profile That Doesn’t Overshare
Whether it’s on Ashley Madison or another dating platform, your profile is the ideal spot to show off a bit of your personality and background, and above all, what you want.
It is not where you rehash how your divorce wrecked you emotionally or run through your deepest insecurities. Heavy subjects (not strictly needed in a casual relationship) can wait for one-on-one conversations.
Adding profile photos is a good idea too. A big plus of Ashley Madison: your face can be blurred or masked in those pictures for the sake of privacy.
Nobody wants a coworker or an in-law to come across their Ashley Madison profile. Blurred photos mean far less worry about getting found out.
I came across one profile with this bio: “I’m the kind of woman who turns a simple night into a whole vibe.” Using Ashley Madison’s profile tags, she lists her age, race, height, weight, and body type, plus what she wants. Among her interests: “casual/social drinker,” “traveling,” and “discretion.” Her photo shows off her figure while keeping her face hidden.
It’s a strong example of a profile that tells you enough to judge whether you might be interested, all without oversharing.
Profile Tags
Profile tags on Ashley Madison are a fast way to signal what you’re into. They run from spicy labels such as “oral sex” to tamer interests such as “travel” or “cooking.”
Tagging your interests helps others quickly spot compatible ones, sexual and personal alike, in a simple way that reveals nothing that could identify you.
Use Discreet Match
Discretion isn’t everyone’s top priority on Ashley Madison. Because members vary in how comfortable they are with privacy, the site built its Discreet Match feature to pair people by the kind of connection they’re after. While setting up your profile, you’ll pick one of these:
- Curious: The most discreet setting, ideal if you want to stay anonymous.
- Selective: For private people who could see a relationship going public down the line.
- Flexible: How much this member reveals varies with the situation.
- Adventurous: This person is at ease connecting openly.
Each label appears at the top of a dating profile and affects your matches. Knowing someone’s comfort level from the start helps you decide how to move forward with them.
3. Take Advantage of the Privacy Features
Since Ashley Madison was built around discretion, it comes loaded with genuinely useful privacy tools. Besides photo blurring, there are private galleries nobody can open without your explicit consent. They’re a great choice for spicier shots or pictures that reveal more about who you are.
iPhone users can switch on Stealth Mode, which gives the app a less noticeable icon and swaps push notifications that say “you have a message” for ones that say “you have a package.” You can also set a private PIN that locks the app and keeps your messages and connections out of sight.
Clear Your Search History
Some people use Ashley Madison on something other than a phone. On a computer, particularly a shared one or one for work (we’d advise against using a work laptop at all), keep in mind that others can check your browsing history.
When you can, use an incognito tab for Ashley Madison; it wipes your search history on its own.
For private online activity, incognito browsing comes in handy.
Clear your cache after each Ashley Madison session. The site even publishes a step-by-step guide, free of charge, to covering your tracks, broken down by web server.
Wiping your search history keeps the people around you from seeing what you’ve looked at. Still, you can never fully erase your online footprint, and there’s always a chance your searches come to light.
4. Screen People Through Messages
When a connection clicks on Ashley Madison, do some light digging to confirm the person is real. Build a few basic safety precautions into the way you get to know people.
Keep the conversation on the app as long as you can. Hold off on moving to Whatsapp or sharing your number right after hello. Ashley Madison’s chat window builds in more accountability, including blocking and reporting profiles.
The minute the conversation leaves the platform, Ashley Madison’s security tools and content moderators stop working on your behalf, so establish trust before you go.
Also take great care before sharing intimate photos or personal details online. Sadly, revenge porn and blackmail are now common risks for people dating online.
5. Put Your Safety First When Planning a First Meeting
First off, there’s no need to hurry into meeting face-to-face. You can always begin with a phone call or a video call to get a feel for things.
Once you choose to meet in person, you’re balancing two things: keeping your privacy and staying out of sketchy situations. Keep these safety guidelines in mind.
Meet in Public
Pick a public spot, such as a coffee shop or park. Worried about running into people you know? Choose a place well away from your usual haunts.
Going on a first date? Arrange your own ride and plan a quick way out. Keep where you live to yourself. Stop at a glass or two, and never let your drink out of your sight.
Tell One Trusted Person
I understand: the people you see every day don’t need to know who you’re dating. Married or single, you may not want word of it reaching friends and family. But when it comes down to safety versus privacy, pick safety every single time.
Your dates don’t have to be common knowledge, but somebody should know.
When you’re meeting an online match for the first time, fill in at least one person. Give someone you trust the time, the place, and the name of your date, and ask them to check in on you. Your dates don’t have to be common knowledge, but somebody should know.
FAQs: Is It Possible to Stay Anonymous on Ashley Madison?
Partly, yes. Making a profile takes some personal details, but none that pin you down very precisely. You can pick a random username and leave your real name off entirely.
That said, leaving out the interesting details and posting a vague photo (or none) means fewer people will notice you. A profile with no face and no name just isn’t something people are attracted to. If you mostly want to look rather than chat, no problem. If meeting people is the goal, though, you’ll need to put yourself out there.
When all you want is to browse profiles, switch on incognito mode to hide your own. You can then look around while your profile stays out of other people’s search results. Nervous about being seen? Go incognito for a while and test the waters.
How Do I Spot a Fake Ashley Madison Profile?
It isn’t easy. Some fake profiles look very real, especially now that AI is around, and some genuine ones can pass for fakes. My best advice: stay skeptical and ask lots of follow-up questions so you catch small fibs and stories that don’t add up.
If you think someone you’re messaging might be a catfish, trust your instincts. Try reverse-image searching their pictures to check whether they were lifted from another person, or ask for a video call.
Above all, anyone you’re chatting with who asks for money or financial details can safely be assumed to be fake. Whatever excuses, promises, or flattery come your way, your safest move is to block and report anyone who requests money at any stage of the conversation.
How Can I Block a Member on Ashley Madison?
It’s simple. Open the profile, hit the three-dot icon in the upper-right corner, and choose “Block.” That’s it.
No explanation is required, and there’s no survey to fill out. It’s a fast way to remove someone from your Ashley Madison dating pool. Once blocked, they can no longer see your profile or interact with it. Blocking can’t be undone, so think carefully before you use it.
How Big Is Ashley Madison’s User Base?
Ashley Madison claims more than 91 million active users worldwide, with especially large numbers in Brazil, Australia, the U.K., and the U.S.
Married people remain its biggest audience, yet 51% of Ashley Madison members are unmarried. Users arrive from every relationship status imaginable. What do they share? A wish to date discreetly.
Good Online Safety Habits Are the Foundation of Discretion
Discretion and safety can seem to pull in opposite directions. Plenty of us assume online safety demands nonstop honest disclosure, covering everything from past relationships to safe sex habits. Sometimes, though, anonymity is the safer route.
Protecting yourself online, physically and emotionally, usually comes down to choosing carefully what you share and who gets to see it. Keep private details from your matches until you’ve built solid trust.
To form a real connection, you’ll probably have to let yourself be vulnerable at some point, but your profile isn’t the place to bare your soul. Keep chats casual and get a read on the person. Put your own comfort first. And let yourself flirt without overthinking it!
About the Author
By: Emma Wilson
Editor-in-Chief
Emma Wilson is the Editor-in-Chief at thecandiddate.com. When she was growing up, her family teased her for being 'boy crazy,' but she preferred to think of herself as a budding dating and relationship expert. Emma brings her tireless wit and relatable experiences to thecandiddate.com.
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