How Long Couples Date Before Marrying: 9 Statistics

Does it ever seem like every person you know has their own view on how long you should date before tying the knot? Your mom reminds you that love can’t be rushed. Your friends insist a partner who likes it should put a ring on it, and fast. Your partner tells you not to go changing just to please them.

Pretty soon you’re asking yourself why everybody keeps quoting song lyrics at you. What a mess.

Let everyone hold on to their opinions. I crunched the numbers and dug up the stats to find out what’s really true.

Does a slow burn beat a speedy elopement? How long should you ideally date before you marry? Spoiler alert: no two relationships are alike, and a timeline that feels right to you might strike other people as too long or too short.

If you suspect your relationship might be the one, you’re probably wondering about the timing and setting of the proposal. I can’t hand you a definitive answer on that, but I can offer the next best thing: statistics!

Here’s what experts have to say about how long to hold off before you start shopping for a ring.

1. More Than 70% of Couples Date 2+ Years Before Marrying

How much time does it take to figure out whether someone’s The One? The Knot’s 2023 Engagement and Jewelry Study found that among the couples it surveyed, 70% had been together two or more years before the wedding. 1

Some couples find two years is plenty of time to learn a person’s quirks (the good ones and the bad), work through conflict resolution, and talk through big long-term goals like kids, careers, and money.

Other couples, though, may see that as way too short. How long it takes to really know and love someone can vary, and it hinges on your age and stage of life when the two of you meet. You may also have personal goals you’d like to reach before an engagement.

It’s reasonable, for instance, to want to land a particular job title or put away a set amount of savings before you feel truly ready to settle down.

Don’t let averages dictate how you live. Think of the two-year figure as a rough benchmark for an engagement. Two years could be a good moment to sit down with your partner and talk about how you both feel and what comes next.

2. Roughly 1 in 3 Couples Date 5+ Years Before Getting Engaged

If two years seems too short, you may be part of the 1 in 3 couples that hold off for more than five years before an engagement, based on a survey by Bridal Musings.2

While 29% had been together more than five years before getting engaged, another 22% had spent three to five years dating. Do a bit of marital math and you’ll find that 51% waited more than three years to get engaged.

The survey has limitations, and its data only tells part of the story. For one, Bridal Musings wasn’t able to verify the exact ages of the couples who took part.

The surveyors assumed that “couples who were much younger would have waited longer before getting engaged, whereas older couples might have been less hesitant.” 

3. Dating More Than 3 Years Before Marriage Makes Divorce 50% Less Likely

In a study at Emory University, 3,000 people were asked how long they’d dated before marrying and how that affected their satisfaction with the relationship.3

According to the results, couples who dated three or more years before an engagement were 50% less likely to divorce.

That tracks when you think it through. Date longer, and you get more chances to hash out conflict and to see each other from every side. Few things sink a marriage faster than stumbling on a surprise dealbreaker after you’ve said “I do.”

Still, even after three or more years together, some signs may suggest that the two of you aren’t ready for marriage yet. Unresolved problems, pressure from family and friends, and nagging doubts don’t simply vanish after a few years.

When all is said and done, the ring, the ceremony, and the number matter less than the commitment you actually make to one another.

4. After Age 32, Each Year of Waiting Raises the Risk of Divorce by 5%

Drawing on the National Survey of Family Growth, research from the University of Utah found that up to age 32, every extra year of age at marriage lowers divorce odds by 11%.4 Beyond that age, however, the chance of divorce actually increases by 5% annually.

I prefer to see this in an optimistic light: maybe divorce odds climb with age because older people who know what they want are quicker to walk away from partners who don’t meet their needs or standards.

If staying married for life and steering clear of divorce matters to you, keep in mind that a relationship is only as strong as the two people in it. Holding off longer won’t necessarily guarantee a marriage that lasts longer or feels happier.

5. The “Best” Age to Marry Falls Between 28 and 32

More results from that survey showed that people who marry at age 25 are 50% less likely to divorce than people who marry at age 20.5

Sociological researcher Nicholas Wolfinger says the best age to marry seems to fall between 28 and 32. Divorce rates keep dropping up to that range, then start rising again once you pass it.

6. Engagements Last 6 Months to 1 Year on Average

Every couple’s timeline is different, but a few patterns stand out. In a nationwide survey of more than 1,000 people, Americans said they’d prefer to date for a year and six months or so before marriage comes up.6

Most respondents said they’d want an engagement lasting somewhere between six months and one year. Add it all up, and the preferred length of a relationship before marriage comes to two years and five months.

An engagement is a big commitment. Once you’re engaged, most of the relationship should already be sorted out. You agree on whether you want kids, where you’d like to live, and how you’ll divide money and responsibilities.

Seen that way, it’s no surprise that the typical engagement runs a little shorter than the dating period before it. When you’re sure of what you want, sitting around waiting loses its appeal.

Lots of younger couples choose longer engagements, whether to save money or to plan the perfect wedding.

Even without a lavish Disney Princess affair, a wedding can be expensive. Then come the costs after the wedding, like the honeymoon, a new house, and childcare. It simply makes sense to get your life in order first.

7. Two-Thirds of Married People Say Moving In First Is the Right Call

A 2019 Pew Research Center study found that among married adults who lived with their spouse before getting engaged, 66% saw cohabiting as a move toward marriage.7

Roughly half of adults in the U.S. said couples who share a home before they marry have better odds of a successful marriage than couples who don’t. Just 13% said living together first gives couples worse odds.

Sharing a home can be a great way to learn how daily life will work once the two of you are, for all practical purposes, tied together for good.

Say your partner has a habit that makes you crazy, such as leaving dirty dishes in the sink or plastering the walls with pictures of his NFTs. You’ll want to find that out before the wedding.

That said, not everyone has this option. Some religions and cultures prohibit living together before marriage. But if it’s possible for you, it’s a great preview of married life.

8. Mormons Marry at 23 on Average

Cultural groups across the U.S. bring their own traditions and distinct approaches to dating. Within the Latter-day Saints community, for instance, researchers estimate the average age at marriage to be 23 years old.8

That’s four years below the national average in America, and it leaves far less time for dating first.

Other Christian communities, including religiously affiliated colleges and universities, often see young students date briefly and get engaged before they graduate.9

Hard numbers on the “ring by spring” trend are hard to come by. It could stem from religious beliefs, from missionary obligations and the wish to find a partner who fits into that timeline, or from personal objections to living together before marriage.

9. Couples Date Anywhere From 30 to 47 Months Before Marriage on Average

In 2023, Shane Co., a brand selling wedding and engagement jewelry, surveyed 3,100 people nationwide and found that the average couple dates roughly 30 months before an engagement.10

That figure shifts a bit depending on where people live. Residents of Ohio took the longest to get engaged, waiting 47.5 months on average. Alaska came in close behind at 43 months and Maine at 42.

Indiana, by contrast, was the fastest to seal the deal. Hoosiers in the survey averaged 15 months from dating to engagement, and Washington state, North Carolina, and Utah weren’t far behind at 15 to 16 months.

What Do Married People Say About Their Dating Timelines?

Even with all these numbers coming at you, when to get married is a question only you and your partner can answer. There’s no single answer that fits everybody.

Some couples move quickly, and others take their sweet time getting to the altar. Either way is perfectly fine, and both can lead to happy, fulfilling relationships.

You don’t have to rely on me alone. Here’s what some married couples learned from their own experiences and how their timelines played out.

One Reddit user said the big question came after a year of dating, and the wedding followed six months after that. Some might call that fast, but to them, taking those big next steps together felt completely natural.

“I knew he was special the day we met. Hell, the moment I saw his profile. It just spoke to me. I liked his face and his sweet smile. The more I got to know him, the more I wanted to know,” the Reddit user wrote in a testimonial.

This couple never doubted that he would propose. The only question was when.

The right moment to propose is whenever it feels right.

That isn’t how it goes for everyone, though. Some couples agree from the start that they don’t want to marry at all, a new and honest reality that might shock older generations. Some relationships grow naturally for years without either person feeling any need to make it official with a ring.

One of my friends told me that even though she and her partner have been together for 10 years, she feels no need to get married anytime soon, because the partnership they share now is plenty for her.

There’s no legal paperwork between them, but they share love, commitment, and trust. “The wedding is just the cherry on top,” she says.

In a similar story, another Reddit user said that after 12 years together, the couple finally decided to walk down the aisle and say, “I Do.” They explained that their relationship had never been a formal courtship.

“We never really ‘dated’ – we just sort of glommed together like social amoebas as soon as we met. Marriage was never a goal for either of us,” said a Reddit user. “I’d rather be with him every day (married or not) than hinge my dreams upon a series of perfect events that will likely be anything but.”

Emma W. married at 32 after dating for three years, and she saw things her own way. Her view sat somewhere in the middle, which is fairly typical among millennials like her.

“On one hand, it might’ve been nice to take longer to get to know one another before tying the knot,” she said. “But on the other hand, we both felt strongly that it was the right match at the right time, and our shared desire to start a family was a big incentive to not dawdle.”

If these stories show anything, it’s that no “correct” amount of dating time exists before marriage. Some couples know right away, while others spend years just working out whether they want to marry at all.

The Best Timeline Is Always Your Own

No two relationships are alike, and each one moves at its own speed. What suits other couples might not suit you, and that’s fine! Treat these statistics on dating before marriage as starting points for a deeper conversation.

None of these figures are strict rules anyone has to follow. Even if you feel the pressure, keep in mind that every rule has its exceptions.

If you feel deeply committed to your partner, what matters most is that you enjoy your time together, both on the way to the wedding and throughout the marriage. When you’re attuned to each other’s needs, wants, and goals, the time will fly.

Data Sources:

1. https://www.theknot.com/content/hot-topic-how-long-should-you-date-before-getting-engaged ↩︎
2. https://bridalmusings.com/191501/how-long-do-people-date-before-getting-married/ ↩︎
3. https://www.brides.com/story/how-long-should-you-date-before-engaged ↩︎
4. http://ifstudies.org/blog/want-to-avoid-divorce-wait-to-get-married-but-not-too-long/ ↩︎
5. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201606/the-best-and-worst-ages-couples-get-married ↩︎
6. Survey on Americans’ relationship timelines ↩︎
7. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2019/11/06/marriage-and-cohabitation-in-the-u-s/ ↩︎
8. https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/14/mormon-singles-lds-singles-wards-marriage_n_1875524.html ↩︎
9. https://www.vice.com/en/article/epnv57/the-persistence-of-the-ring-by-spring-phenomenon-at-christian-colleges ↩︎
10. https://www.shaneco.com/theloupe/jewelry-education/art-of-engagement/how-soon-is-too-soon-to-propose/ ↩︎