Why Serious Relationships Matter, and What Makes One Serious

Whether someone called me their best friend or their girlfriend, labels have always mattered a lot to me in relationships. I suppose that’s because being someone’s girlfriend makes me feel secure and like the relationship is legit.

A guy can show interest in me or say he’s fond of me all he wants, but it isn’t serious until he asks me to be his girlfriend. That’s the moment I know we’re truly dating.

So what counts as a serious relationship? Put simply, it’s a romantic bond between two people who have committed to looking after each other for the long haul.

The New York Post reports that people have four serious dating relationships in a typical lifetime. I’d like to pin down what makes a relationship serious and look at why these relationships matter so much in people’s lives.

What Commitment Looks Like

After years of dating, I’ve decided that what makes and defines a serious relationship is a pair of people fully committed to each other.

Today’s dating world holds all sorts of ideas about romance and love. Not everyone sees serious dating the way I do, and that’s fine! Plenty of my friends consider themselves in a serious relationship because they’re exclusive or because they regularly hang out and hook up (is a serious hookup a thing?) with one person. In the end, a relationship they consider serious is serious.

Commitment is the one universal measure of how seriously you take a relationship. Here’s what it involves.

Emotional Investment

Making a serious relationship work requires each person to invest emotionally to some degree. Real feelings and a willingness to be vulnerable are essential.

What does emotional investment in someone actually mean? The WikiHow team put it best: it happens when you pour emotional energy into something fulfilling in the hope of getting happiness in return.

When one person opens up about their feelings and encourages their partner to open up too, it’s a sign the two are growing emotionally invested in each other.

Honest Communication

Every serious relationship needs open dialogue. If you say you want something serious, you’re more likely to find it. People who aren’t upfront about what they want from dating land in situationships and unyoked relationships.

From the start, daters should be clear and honest about their goals and expectations for a relationship.

Plenty of therapists name poor communication as a leading cause of separation and divorce.

“The act of communicating not only helps to meet your needs, but it also helps you to be connected in your relationship,” said BetterHealth. 

Exclusivity

People interpret exclusivity differently, and some hopeful romantics believe a relationship is exclusive when it actually isn’t.

Kind gestures, like picking up the dinner check or stopping by to Netflix and chill, are easy to mistake for exclusivity.

Still, a relationship isn’t exclusive until both people say out loud that they want it to be.

Being exclusive means concentrating on one partner so you can grow and understand each other. It’s a step toward commitment and the main thing that separates casual dating from serious dating.

Long-Term Outlook

Having a long-term outlook means thinking about the future when you judge what your partnership is worth. Once you’ve been out a few times with a new person, it’s wise to consider whether the relationship has long-term potential.

Thinking about what might lie ahead can feel scary, but it’s smart when you’re considering a committed relationship.

Ask yourself these questions: 

• Can I picture being with this person 10 years down the road?
• Would this person make my life better?
• Do we want the same future?
• Could I count on this person to support my life goals?

Big questions like these can help you decide whether to pursue a serious relationship or keep things casual.

What Healthy Relationships Have in Common

It takes grit to be in a serious relationship. To me, the saying “Nothing in life worth having comes easy” sums up long-term relationships best.

Healthy relationships come from people willing to do the necessary work, and it really is work. Here’s what a healthy connection looks like.

Consistency & Respect

Regular communication and quality time are what healthy relationships depend on. Relationships often fade when couples aren’t consistent in how they act and communicate.

We’ve come across plenty of success stories from long-married couples whose bond rests on mutual respect. Simple, steady acts of kindness keep their connection strong.

“Grandpa would always give me an extra 20 Deutsche Mark so I could buy roses for grandma at his favorite flower shop. And I would bring home the roses – and he would give them to her. We did this right to the end.” — Dr. Nico Rose

Respecting each other’s opinions, boundaries, and independence all help a relationship grow. Respect for your partner is essential.

Showing respect doesn’t come easily to everyone, particularly during arguments. Couples who want to treat each other better can get real help from relationship workshops and counseling.

Supportive Words & Actions

A supportive partner can make you feel ready to conquer the world. Healthy relationships mean showing up for each other through both struggles and wins.

Supporting a partner might mean urging them to go after a promotion or having dinner ready when they get home.

Support comes in many forms, through both actions and words. Just as people have their own love languages, they also have their own preferences for how they want to be supported.

Partners should learn what kind of support the other prefers so they can step up when it counts.

Shared Values & Beliefs

When choosing a partner, it’s important to think about whether your beliefs, goals, and lifestyle choices line up. Early on, daters should ask meaningful questions to learn what a potential partner values and believes.

Relationships tend to be healthier when both people think alike and agree on life’s big issues.

Religion is one example: it can be at the center of how someone lives, and it’s a common dealbreaker in dating.

Interfaith relationships can succeed, but couples face particular challenges when they decide how to raise their kids and how to celebrate holidays.

Dating someone who shares your values and beliefs is often more practical and more rewarding. That’s why niche dating apps such as Christian Mingle have thrived for decades.

Christian Mingle user Carlee said in a testimonial, “Josh is charming and sweet, but what sealed the deal was his Christ-like mentality,” adding, “There are a million reasons why he is the one, but our faith and our spiritual connection is the strongest reason why we were able to happily commit to one another for a lifetime.”

How to Tell Your Relationship Is Serious

A handful of clear signals can show whether your relationship is serious, or at least headed that way. Noticing them will help you figure out your next steps.

Commitment 

As I said before, every serious relationship requires commitment. Serious commitment means both people actively make the relationship a priority. Loyalty and the time they put into the relationship show how committed they are.

“Commitment is really a verb because it is the actions you take daily to let your partner know we are with them and that you make decisions with them in mind,” licensed counselor Mary Beth George wrote in an article for the Gottman Institute.

Emotional Depth 

A deep emotional connection and the intimacy you share with someone are signs a relationship is turning serious.

People don’t often feel safe being emotionally vulnerable with someone. Yet serious relationships last only when both partners will make that extra effort.

In a serious relationship, two people get to know each other well beyond the surface. They should understand what makes the other tick and know the story of their life, from memories of childhood to what their days look like now.

Conflict Resolution 

Relationships call for solid problem-solving and communication skills. Challenges come with getting serious. People disagree, and arguments are bound to happen.

When a conflict or challenge comes up, couples with the determination to push through and reach a solution they’re both happy with can come out stronger.

Conflict resolution is about learning to listen to each other and meet in the middle, which can save a relationship from circling the drain. Plenty of couples who’ve been together a long time are still learning and fine-tuning that skill.

“Conflict resolution can help bring people together once an issue is put to rest. One of the most important elements in conflict resolution is choosing to tackle problems as a team, rather than attacking each other,” according to research from North Central College. 

Why This Matters

Relationships shape society and give life more meaning. Getting serious with someone special is worth it and can benefit you in several ways. People get through life better when they have partners who lift them up.

Foundation for Stability 

Couples need to build a solid foundation. Laying the groundwork for a lasting relationship doesn’t happen overnight. It may take years, yet it’s doable when both people are willing to put in the work.

A relationship without a solid foundation will fall apart over time.

Plenty of people get swept up in a relationship’s “cupcake stage” and then lose romantic interest once things get bumpy.

Any stable relationship is built on honesty, trust, and respect. With those pillars in place, a relationship can definitely weather challenges.

Healthy relationship habits and a therapist’s professional support, or a counselor’s, can help couples find stability.

Personal Fulfillment

As the saying “money can’t buy you happiness,” reminds us, real happiness comes from the people around us and the relationships we build.

Personal fulfillment is a lifelong journey at any age. We all have hopes and goals for what’s ahead, and if you’re like me, yours include time with loved ones and keeping close relationships.

When people’s personal lives lack strong emotional bonds, their mental and physical health suffers.

“We don’t live our lives in isolation,” said writer and podcaster Peter Cheung. “Personal fulfillment, therefore, requires cultivating deep relationships with people who are or will be a part of our life stories. We find ways to service the people we care about because their well-being matters to us. They are the reason for the work we do in this life.”

Opportunities to Grow

A serious relationship offers lots of chances to grow. People in serious relationships have to compromise, work through conflict, and hold themselves accountable.

Learning and changing together through shared experiences comes with the territory in any relationship.

My partner and I have been a couple for five years, and together we’ve grown through all kinds of challenges, from grad school to a global pandemic.

To stay together through hard times, couples have to grow. Starting a family, for instance, will test a relationship and push serious partners to grow.

Couples with kids grow together naturally as they take on the new adventure of parenthood.

Parenthood is a huge life change that can bring couples closer and help them learn from each other.

A Serious Relationship Can Give Life More Meaning

Putting effort into a serious relationship will likely pay off in personal fulfillment, happiness, and growth.

A serious relationship can last your whole life and enrich it in ways you never saw coming.

As you work toward personal goals, having someone in your corner cheering you on makes every win sweeter. Temporary fun, after all, is only that… temporary.