Situationships: The New Normal in Hookup Culture, Explained

Think of a situationship as almost a relationship. It’s a sexual and romantic connection with no definition: you aren’t officially together, yet you’re doing a lot of what couples do.

Gen Z coined the word and made it popular as a way to name one of the newer types of relationships they keep landing in. A situationship resembles friends with benefits, where two people sleep together without committing to each other, but it piles on extra ambiguity and emotional attachment.

Honestly, I’ve had more situationships than actual relationships. Welcome to dating as a 20-something. Mine have come in all shapes: in some, we behaved like a full-on couple while dodging the dating label; in others, we were each other’s messy secret.

Every one of them had one thing in common: we acted like a couple in every way except one. We were not a couple.

In a situationship, you never quite know what’s going on. Is this dating? Is it heading somewhere serious? Or is this just a f-ck-buddy arrangement? The whole point is to keep those answers fuzzy so nobody has to commit or move things to the next level.

What Is a Situationship, Exactly?

Seeing someone without knowing where you stand? You might be in a situationship. Below are the usual traits, how these arrangements start, and what sets them apart from serious, committed relationships.

Characteristics of a Situationship

Fuzzy communication is a defining feature. A situationship can start out like any ordinary dating relationship: you click with someone you meet online, at work, at school, or anywhere else, and the two of you start hanging out.

Your time together might look and feel like dating, but in a situationship nobody calls it that. Instead it’s “hanging out” or “spending time with each other,” with none of the weight the word date carries. The words you and your partner choose for what you have can reveal a lot about how each of you sees it.

A situationship isn’t quite the same as friends with benefits. With FWB, both people agree up front to keep things sexual and leave romance and emotions out of it. In a situationship, that emotional cutoff is never spelled out.

How emotionally open you are with each other can vary a lot. Look, I’ve had situationships where we told each other, “I love you.” I’ve had others where I never learned the person’s middle name. It runs the whole spectrum.

Whatever the emotional investment, though, the commitment never matches it.

How They Differ From Real Relationships

Real relationships don’t run on ambiguity; they run on the reverse. When you’re committed, you’re clear on where you stand and which way you’re heading. You won’t be stuck in endless confusion about what you are. You’ll feel confident and secure instead.

Unlike a situationship, a relationship involves honest communication right from the beginning.

Someone who’s serious about you won’t just suggest you “hang out,” they’ll ask you out on a date. They’ll want to know what you hope to get from a relationship and to learn more about who you are.

Context & Background

In my view, situationships grow naturally out of two major forces in today’s dating world: hookup culture and the internet (the usual suspects).

People define hookup culture in lots of ways, but at heart it’s a culture that accepts casual sex and even encourages it.

Situationships are a symptom of hookup culture and expose some of its weak points.

It promotes sex with no emotional strings. A situationship forms when feelings sneak in anyway, which for some daters is bound to happen. That’s how hookup culture ends up giving people lots of sexual connections while their emotional ones are stunted or missing entirely.

The internet makes plenty of wonderful things possible, though hookup culture may not be one of them. With online dating, a casual hookup has never been easier to find, while a committed relationship can involve a few more hurdles. And online dating is only part of it.

Social media makes commitment messier too; think of the whole idea of going “Instagram official,” for example. People dating today weigh more than their own feelings and their partner’s; they also think about how they’ll present it all on social media.

There are lots of paths into a situationship, but often the people involved truly want companionship and, for whatever reason, can’t commit.

Maybe it’s an insecure attachment style, maybe it’s bad experiences from past relationships. Whatever landed you in a situationship, there’s just one way out: honest communication.

Practical Tips

Here’s a primer on the casual dating scene and how to handle the gray areas of romance.

8 Signs You’re in a Situationship

Step one: DTR (define the relationship) or admit you’re in a situationship. Watch for these telltale signs.

1. You go to movies, cook dinner, or grab drinks together, yet nobody calls those outings dates.
2. You’re unsure whether it’s safe to be vulnerable or share how you really feel.
3. Raising your emotional boundaries feels uncomfortable.
4. You never make plans for the future together; everything is spur of the moment.
5. The signals are mixed and the communication is spotty.
6. You seldom see each other during the day or out in public.
7. Your conversations stick to sex or surface-level topics.
8. Neither of you has met the other’s friends or family.

If that list sounds a little too familiar, it’s time to leave the gray zone behind and find out from your date where things are headed. Don’t shy away from an ultimatum; even if it ends in a breakup, you’ll at least know where you stand.

Similar Terms Used by Casual Daters

The dating world is full of slang, especially among young people (guilty as charged!). Here are a few terms worth knowing:

1. Friends with Benefits: Similar to a situationship, minus the emotional confusion. Basically, friends who like hooking up.

2. F-ck Buddy: A blunter way to say friends with benefits.

3. Ghosting: When someone you’ve been seeing romantically suddenly cuts off all contact. Being ghosted hurts, so don’t ghost anyone!

4. Benching: When someone you’re into treats you as a backup plan, parking you on the “bench” while they consider their other romantic options for now.

Consequences and What to Expect Next

More than once, I’ve talked myself into believing that if I just held on to a situationship a bit longer, it would become the real thing. But given how situationships work, and where they leave both people, turning one into a committed relationship is unlikely.

Not impossible, but definitely a long shot. Here’s the reason.

How to Shift to More Serious Dating

Part of what makes them so hard is that they stir up strong feelings while offering very few places to put them. Ending a situationship can leave you as heartbroken and disoriented as a real breakup.

If you’re genuinely into the person you’re in a situationship with, it’s worth raising the idea of getting more serious. Keep your expectations in check, and walk into that talk knowing exactly what you want and refusing to accept anything less.

Start with honesty, even when it’s awkward. If you really like them, say so, and be clear that you want a relationship rather than a situationship. In my experience, telling a partner how you truly feel is a smart dating move, however hard it is and however it turns out.

If the other person wants something more serious too, everybody wins! If not, count that as a win as well, because an uncommitted arrangement will never satisfy someone looking for the real thing. Use their “no” as your chance to let go and adopt a more serious dating approach.

Navigating Complicated Feelings

Because situationships are built on a lack of genuine communication, your emotions can become overwhelming. You might feel lonely, confused, and torn about where you are, which makes the whole thing even harder to handle.

Ambiguity is baked into situationships, and it can easily stir up emotional turmoil.

A healthy relationship won’t keep you perpetually unsure of your feelings or of where things are headed. A situationship might be harmless, but it can also cause real damage and shape the way you date in the future.

The thread running through every one of my situationships: I accepted an arrangement I didn’t truly want. I was after a deeper connection, yet all I got were halfhearted hookups and hangouts tangled up with real feelings on both sides.

Perspectives From Modern Daters

Most daters today have ended up in a situationship or something close to one. Because they’re usually tough to be in, lots of people talk through their experiences online. In one post on Reddit’s dating subreddit, a user asked others to share their thoughts on situationships.

One reply nails it: “It’s the sweetest, warmest, most inviting trap you’ll ever get caught in. It’ll be the best thing ever, until it’s not and then it’s too late because you’re already caught.”

That answer captures something key: situationships can feel good! They often carry many of the emotional trappings of a relationship, emotional and sexual intimacy included. The trap is that, without commitment, a situationship can vanish as mysteriously as it showed up.

A second commenter highlighted how complicated they can be: “It’s difficult to define as it can happen in various forms. But I’d describe it as when you’re in a relationship in all ways but name. You’re talking all the time, going on dates, can even introduce friends and family.”

The same person went on to capture the essence of a situationship: “It’s like a relationship with an automatic get out of jail free card that you can use whenever it suits you.”

Casual Connections, Low Commitment: Dating Today

Some of my situationships really hurt. I was confused, expectant, infatuated, and, if I’m honest, in denial. I remember being nervous about sharing my feelings, since I was scared I’d “ruin” what we had.

I’m not dismissing the bonds I had with those people (there were some great parts!), but those connections rested on unhealthy communication and missing boundaries. That’s a shaky foundation for any of the relationship types out there, let alone a romantic one.

To steer clear of situationships, be honest, with yourself and with others, about what you want. Make it clear from the start that you’re after something serious, and if someone wants something different, let them go.

Opening up can be stressful and scary, yet you’re always glad once it’s done.