6 Things That Make a Woman Fall for You

What do women want? Well, guys have been turning that question over for millennia, maybe even tens of millennia.

I probably can’t settle it for good within the next 1,000 words. But I have worked with enough people, for long enough, while keeping up with the science and the trends, to offer a pretty solid answer.

Also, I’ve got a wife, so… proof of concept?

One of the first things I ask my male clients when we meet is, “What do women look for in a man?” They rattle off all kinds of things: looks, height, money, IQ, humor, maturity, and stability. Honestly, a few of those can be nice as secondary traits, but none of them is what gets her to want to be with you.

Women don’t like men who DOthings, women like men who ARE things.

Take holding the door for her. The gesture itself isn’t the point; what matters is that you’re someone who considers other people’s feelings and likes doing nice things for her. That’s what makes her swoon.

Let’s go over who you can become, and which personality traits you can take on, so she likes you and wants more time with you.

1. Confidence

Sure, sure, this gets said all the time, I know. But what is confidence, really? Put simply, it’s being sure of your own actions.

Me, for instance: deep down I’m a really goofy, silly guy. Confidence, for me, means not worrying about what people think of me when I’m doing something wacky. I’m enjoying myself, and that pulls people in.

In fact, I’ve noticed that plenty of people WISH they felt confident enough to pull off some of what I do.

Wearing a purple shirt? OWN it. Love cauliflower? Then wear that love on your sleeve!

2. Honesty & Communication

When you get down to it, everything hinges on communication: how clearly you can say what you want and need, and how well you can take it in from other people (dating goes both ways).

These days, nearly anything goes. Polyamory, ethical non-monogamy (ENM), FWB, a real relationship: whatever it is, somebody wants it. But we have to say what we’re actually looking for.

Honesty might land you in some trouble, but lying will land you in way more of it.

Be upfront about what you want. That makes it easier for the right thing to find you.

In my single days I slept around a lot, but I prided myself on (probably excessive) honesty, so no woman I was with ever had to wonder where she stood. Sometimes, it turns out, she wants the very same thing you do!

3. Manners & Grooming

It always drives me up the wall that I need to include this section in articles like this. I wish it went without saying, but no such luck, judging by what my female friends tell me.

MAKE AN EFFORT!

Begin with the basics: take a shower, and show up clean and well-groomed for your date (shaved, nails trimmed, clean clothes), because that’s one of the FIRST things she’ll see and notice about you.

Looking put-together tells her you value her and the date. Small gestures such as holding doors, pulling out her chair, “pleases and thanks yous,” and letting her go first are all simple ways to show you care.

4. Goals & Ambition

When I met the woman who’s now my wife, I was very much “in between jobs.” I’d only just launched this coaching business and was covering the gaps with part-time work. Things were a little rough.

Money was nonexistent back then, and I wasn’t feeling great about myself. Still, I was building a business on knowledge I’d spent years sharpening, and I was aiming to expand it and grow. Those qualities are hot!

You don’t need to have everything figured out right now. Nobody does, especially when they’re young. Still, women love a guy who understands the value of hard work and sacrifice, and who’s building toward something down the road.

5. Sexuality, With Respect

Women are sexual beings. They enjoy sex (maybe not to the degree men do, but it’s still a natural biological drive).

If a woman is into you, chances are she wants to sleep with you. Wanting sex is fine, and so is letting her know.

The trick is all in the delivery. No one wants some creepy guy leering at them and spelling out what he’d like to do. Gross!

Women like knowing they’re found attractive. As a rule, they do like knowing they can have that effect on you. They enjoy being desired, in a respectful way (not a graphic one).

Men today are learning how to be “good guys,” but some struggle to work out how to shift from good guy to sexual being.

In my view, that shift shouldn’t be a big one. Sprinkle little bits into your conversations that get the spark going.

“I used to be a swimmer.” 
“Wow, I bet you fit that bathing suit perfectly.”  

Or when the topic is fun things to do in the summer:

“I grew up on a lake, so there were fire, s’mores, guitars, skinny dipping, hot dogs, and cheap beer!”  

Now she’s picturing you naked, and you didn’t have to get weird about it.

6. Show Real Interest

So many men believe that to get a girl interested, they need to play it cool, act aloof, and not let themselves “catch feelings” at all.

You know what the hottest thing is? Knowing that someone likes you!

This ties back to honesty and communication: if you really want to date her and can see a possible future together, tell her.

It doesn’t have to be over-the-top or touchy-feely. Simple lines work, like “You know, I smile a lot when I’m with you.”

Or, “I think it’d be fun to go skiing/swimming with you.” (Pick whichever one is further off.)

And here’s a big one: ask her questions! I know that isn’t always how guys talk, but in her eyes, each question you ask tells her she matters to you as a person. Take an interest in her.

Yes, It’s Truly That Simple

Liking yourself, feeling at home in your own skin, and seeking real connection is honestly all it takes.

Here’s an insight I like from bestselling author Mark Manson:

“What I’m saying is this: you’ll find a lot of varying advice out there on how to attract women — some will say to tease them, some will say to be selfish and rude around them, some will say to buy them gifts, others will say to be cold and calculating — whichever of these avenues you choose to pursue with women, that is the corresponding relationship you’ll create.”

Act like a manipulative player on the dating scene, and you’ll draw women who are playing games too and trying to manipulate you. Be clingy and codependent, and you’ll end up with insecure women who need attention all the time. But be secure, confident, and clear, and you’ll draw in a secure woman who knows herself and knows what she wants, and hopefully, what she wants is you!

Be the sort of person you’d want to date!