Dating Tips for Short Kings

We can change and improve nearly everything about ourselves, but height is the one thing we’re more or less stuck with. The media doesn’t help, either, by holding up the ideal man as “tall, dark, and handsome.”

Even actors on the small side, like Tom Cruise and Daniel Radcliffe, get presented as tall. In his action movies, Tom Cruise stands 5-foot-7-inches, yet his frame looks scaled up so he seems far more imposing. A real-life guy can’t lean on movie magic to win over women in high heels, though, and the dating world can feel intimidating! So what’s a short king supposed to do?

Before we dig in, consider this example. In the 1980s, Christie Brinkley (5 feet 9 inches) may well have been the most celebrated supermodel of all, the very epitome of beauty. She fell for Billy Joel (5 feet 5 inches), The Piano Man. Their affair brought us “Uptown Girl” and also produced Alexa Ray Joel, the inspiration behind the song “Lullabye.”

If the most beautiful woman of the 1980s, the one the whole world wanted, picked a man four inches shorter than she was, I don’t want to hear the peanut gallery grumbling that women don’t like short guys.

So what drew her to him, and what draws most women to the guys they’re with? Their personalities, naturally!

Sure, plenty of small things feed into why we feel drawn to a person, among them physical traits, mental makeup, and timing. But here’s a little tip: If she rates your personality a 10, she’ll rate your looks a 10 too. Here’s how to show your best side, short kings.

1. Keep It Zipped

My first tip for a short guy: quit talking about being short. You weren’t cursed, life isn’t out to get you, and no, not every girl likes tall guys. Plenty of shorter men seem to carry a chip on their shoulder. You may even know the term Napoleon complex. At times, what keeps women at a distance isn’t your height at all; it’s your attitude.

When you head out on a date, leave your feelings about your height at home.

Skip the self-deprecating jokes about your size, and don’t raise the subject of your height when you’re talking to a girl. Stop measuring yourself against other people. True confidence comes from being comfortable in your own skin. Next, let’s look at how to build that comfort.

2. Dress the Part

I love fashion because it lets you change or shape nearly anything about how you look. And let’s be honest, a man who dresses well is about as sexy as it gets! Clothes that fit properly and play up your best features can make all the difference to your look. Think of your tailor as a friend. Most off-the-rack pieces won’t fit perfectly, since clothing lines always aim for the middle.

Choose the pieces that fit you best off the rack, then take them to your tailor. Have the tailor hem the pants or take them in slightly. Your jacket or blazer should sit snugly across the chest, with sleeves at the right length. Stay away from baggy shirts, too. The look of “wearing daddy’s clothing” is one you never want to give off.

When it comes to color, go all in on monochromatic megalomania! Wearing two contrasting colors on your top and bottom splits your look for the eye, making each half seem smaller. Dress in all black or all navy, on the other hand, and the eye moves down your whole frame with no jarring break. Vertical lines and pinstripes will lengthen your look, too.

3. Build Your Presence

Tom Cruise is reportedly loaded with charisma and star presence. Everyone notices when he enters a room. Put simply, how well you do in dating will depend on how well you can draw people’s attention and hold it. I once had a client come to me specifically to learn that skill.

In another country, he’d been a Shark on the TV show “Shark Tank”. Clearly, this was an extremely wealthy and powerful man. Yet he was physically small, and he wanted lessons in being more confident. Among other things, we worked on body language, on claiming space in a room, and on locking in on one conversation at a time. Still, the simplest way to hold someone’s interest is to show interest in them.

“People will forget what you said but never forget how you made them feel.” — Maya Angelou

People respond when you can give a one-on-one exchange your full focus and tune out everything else. Trust me, it can change everything. I shook hands with Bill Clinton once, and I can tell you that dude is seriously magnetic!

Make your date feel like the only person on earth, and you’ll become magnetic. Listen to what they’re saying and be present for them instead of simply waiting for your turn to talk.

4. Step Away From Online Dating for a While

I realize everything happens online now, but online dating may not be ideal for guys of below-average height. It gives us the (unfortunate) power to specify exactly what we want, right down to eye and hair color. And that’s … not great. For most of us, what we need and what we want rarely line up. When it comes to the height box, plenty of women, right or wrong, won’t click on anything below six feet. That unfortunate bias can shut a lot of guys out.

Rather than leaning on the swiping scene, put in your relationship work face to face. When people interact, they rely on plenty of signals, many of them unconscious or subconscious. Body language, pheromones, chemicals, tone, scents, and sounds all feed into attraction and chemistry. If you’re in good shape and you keep her laughing, she won’t even notice you’re just an inch taller than she is.

5. Put Sense Memory to Work

You’ve likely heard of muscle memory: do something often enough, like throwing a ball, and you no longer have to consciously recall each small movement. A related kind of memory is known as sense memory. The simplest way to explain it is to picture an actor crying on screen.

The actor isn’t actually sad right then, which means he needs to call up the feeling of sadness and bring it to the surface to portray it. We can use the same technique on ourselves to build confidence.

Dating with confidence is a skill you learn, and it takes practice.

Next time you’re out with close friends or family, pay conscious attention to yourself. What’s your posture like? How is everyone talking? Do you interrupt, crack jokes, or stay relaxed? How loud do you speak, and in what tone?

Then try to recall that feeling of sitting or standing somewhere comfortable, and carry it into moments when you meet new people, particularly people who intimidate you. It may feel a bit awkward at first, but in time your body will remember.

Final Pointers for Short Men

It’s all partly luck, so chalk any early non-starters up to learning and nerves, not your height. Some girls actually prefer shorter guys! A shorter woman, after all, might be tired of always craning her neck up and enjoy looking eye to eye.

Don’t limit yourself to short women, though. Many tall girls might go unapproached because men find them intimidating. They know exactly how it feels to be judged for something you can’t control, and they could well be happy to chat. If your height seems to bother someone, that just shows they aren’t the right person for you.

And the final thought I’ll leave with all you short kings, and tall kings too: Women may fall in lust over looks, but personality is what they fall in love with!