Dating in College? A Dating Expert’s 5 Tips

“Do it or don’t do it – you’ll regret both.” – Søren Kierkegaard

Nothing truer has ever been said. Whatever you decide in life, some regrets will come with it; that's just part of being human. What we do get to decide is the kind of regret we end up with. Personally, I'd rather regret a few things I did do than mourn the things I didn’t do. Missed opportunities just don't sit well with me.

College means making choices on your own as a grown-up, in some cases for the very first time. Naturally, there will be a learning curve. Luckily, you'll find no shortage of opportunities and experiences! It's an ideal time to learn who you are and discover what you like and want.

For many people, dating is a major part of college life. Some college students have never been on a date, and others have just moved to a brand-new city or country. My guess is that if you're reading this, college dating interests you, or you're curious what it involves and whether it suits you. So here are some tips; as you read, ask yourself whether you feel ready.

1. Go Ahead and Say Yes!

In improv acting, the central rule is “Yes, and…” In other words, you accept whatever situation you're handed and build on it. College will hand you so many fresh experiences and choices, and plenty of them will sit a bit outside your comfort zone. Still, every one of them will shape who you are and bring new people into your life.

In college, there are plenty of chances to meet people and pick up something new.

My advice: say yes to every invitation you can, as long as it's safe and smart, of course. Who knows? A super cutie could be waiting at that open mic night! College is the perfect time to broaden your horizons and discover what you don't know yet.

Approach things from a place of yes rather than a place of no. Take “I don’t like snow and cold weather” as an example. It's a perfectly fine opinion, but you could also put it as “I love the sun and warm weather!” The information is the same; the angle is just more upbeat. When you're open to most situations and lead with positivity, you'll attract more interesting people.

2. Learn to Say No!

Romance and love can be confusing, and so can dating advice! For a younger person, the word “no” is a vital part of your vocabulary. Yes, I just told you the opposite, but the “yes” helps you discover what the “nos” are. Working out what you dislike matters every bit as much as working out what you enjoy. Sometimes you'll be interested in something, and then things change or you realize it's not for you. An earlier yes doesn't lock you in; you're free to say no after all.

Knowing how to say “no” in all kinds of situations is also a great skill for life. As you learn about yourself, don't allow anyone to mold you into their idea of what they want. Be true to yourself, and remember: “No” is a complete sentence. If you're uncomfortable, you owe no one a justification or explanation.

3. Keep the Relationship From Taking Over

Chances are, this is your first time living away from home, and part of that is deciding what to do with yourself between classes and extracurricular activities. If you start dating someone, nothing really forces you apart except class. You can have sleepovers, share meals, study side by side, hang out, and pretty much spend as much time together as you like.

Plenty of college couples spend the whole day (and sometimes the whole night) together.

That can be great, but watch that the relationship doesn't take over and swallow up other areas of your life and growth.

“I wish someone had told me that college relationships require a time commitment that is different than what you’d expect,” says one anonymous senior.  “It’s easy to fall into this pattern where you spend every second of every day with this person when you’re not in class because you can.  But your friends will hate you for it.”  

Wanting to be with your partner constantly can be lovely, but set aside time for friends, time alone, new hobbies….and your studies!

4. Be Clear When You Communicate

You'll find this advice in almost every relationship article, and that's because it matters! Two consenting adults can do whatever they like, AS LONG AS the two of you communicate well. Everybody has to learn to put their feelings, wants, and desires into words. Asking questions is OK, too.

Be wary of assuming anything that hasn't been talked through. When I lived in France, a girl and I kissed on New Year’s Eve. The following day, people asked, “So you and Ann-Claire are going out now?” Uhhh….. My poor communication had landed me in an awkward spot.

To some people, a kiss is just a fun, physical way of showing affection. To someone else, it's the first step on the road to a serious relationship. Either path is fine – just make sure you're on the same one! I know it can feel awkward or uncomfortable to talk things through early on, but it becomes easier with time, and any kind of dating or relationship feels more rewarding for it.

5. Try New Things

You'll never have a better chance to experiment than now! Try a new hairstyle, start going by your middle name, or try on a completely new look. And yes, dating is something you get to experiment with, too! Maybe your whole life so far has been spent around a single type of person or demographic. Now there are many more within reach! Get to know, and maybe date, lots of different kinds of people. You might never find out what you like unless you give it a try.

College life can open a person up to lots of new perspectives.

Once you're at ease with your “yes” and “no,” the door swings open to all the things you'd like to explore. Your comfort level, and how hard you push yourself, is your call. But the more you experience, the easier it becomes to pin down exactly what you want.

You Learn a Lot From Dating in College

With college dating, having a clear sense of what you want helps enormously. Still, remember the old saying: “Life is what happens while you are making plans.”

Be open to whatever comes along. It might be great relationship material, someone who shows you new things, or someone who helps you learn about yourself. Best of luck, and enjoy your semester!