What “Significant Other” (S.O.) Means

“Will you be my girlfriend/boyfriend? Check box yes or no.” Back in school, a little note might have been the simplest way to make it official with your crush. As an adult, though, you have to learn to sit down and really talk it through to DTR, or define the relationship.

Those of us born in the 90s, like me, remember life before texting and relationship statuses turned dating into such a headache. Back then, you didn’t need a post, a right swipe, or a super like to show interest and make it official. Things really were simpler.

Your significant other is the person you’re in an established romantic relationship with.

Calling someone your significant other might feel complicated, but it isn’t rocket science. You’ll likely sense when the moment is right, and the tips in this guide can help you get clear and make your intentions known.

What Being a Significant Other Involves

I’ll confess it took me a long time to call my boyfriend my significant other, since it sounded like a title reserved for a husband. Then, while writing him a mushy love letter to mark four years together, I realized how badly I wanted to share my feelings and give him that title.

An S.O. is someone beyond a friend or lover. A few traits set an S.O. apart from someone you’re casually dating.

Your significant other doesn’t need to be your spouse; it’s just someone you feel strongly about and have built a connection with. Some people describe it as a soul tie, and others link it to sexual intimacy. Either way, the gender-neutral term has given couples a way to name their bond and announce it to the world.

Knowing these signs can help you figure out who deserves the S.O. title.

Companion

Let’s face it: Not everybody you know is fun to talk to and hang out with. Only someone special can step into your world and stick with you day after day.

If you meet someone who loves your company as much as you love theirs, chances are you’ve found your significant other.

Quality time together is essential. A relationship suffers without it.

People strengthen their bond through quality time.

Caregiver

We all appreciate it (or should, anyway) when someone has our back.

Whether you’ve come down with the flu or live with a chronic illness, a significant other will usually make the effort to care for and support you.

Looking after your partner emotionally, mentally, and physically belongs to the work of a healthy relationship. It’s how your S.O. knows you care about them.

Caring for someone when they’re under the weather is love on another level. Relationship coaches often say that couples grow closer during these low points, when they lean on one another.

Confidant

You can also think of your significant other as your best friend.

Some secrets, from office gossip to the latest drama with your next-door neighbor, are simply too juicy to keep from them.

Significant others can open up to each other, sharing both idle gossip and hidden feelings.

Partners should make a safe space where their S.O. feels free to express themselves. That means keeping each other’s confidences and not revealing private matters or secrets.

Essentials for an Emotional Connection

No matter how long they’ve been together, many couples struggle with emotional connection.

Finding fresh ways to deepen your emotional bond with your partner is essential, and the work never really ends.

Empathy

Everyone faces different challenges in life. Through the highs and the lows, your significant other can share in and understand your feelings, thanks to all the time you spend together.

“Empathy is a powerful force that helps maintain social order and cooperation, which is what makes it such a powerful force in relationships.” — Derrick Carpenter from Verywell Mind

Showing empathy in your relationship lets you put yourself in your partner’s position and meet their needs as they arise.

Trust

Lyra Health notes that trust helps you and your partner feel secure, supported, and close in your relationship. A lack of trust can put up walls that keep your relationship from reaching the next level.

It’s tough, after all, to build emotional closeness with someone who’s unreliable or can’t be trusted.

Various exercises can help build trust, like giving your partner privacy when they need it, talking openly without interrupting each other, or blindfolding your partner and leading them through an obstacle course.

Admiration

Admiration is a must for deep emotional intimacy. When you stop respecting or liking your partner, the relationship starts to fall apart. But people change as time goes on.

You can keep admiration alive in your relationship by making a habit of telling each other what you appreciate.

Always thank your S.O. for the things they do for you. Praise and compliments go a long way toward showing your S.O. how much you admire them.

How to Build a Healthy Relationship

Healthy relationships are built by two people who are dedicated to making it work. These tips can help keep your relationship afloat.

1. Maintain Honest Communication

Honesty creates trust in a relationship. It doesn’t matter whether it’s been two weeks or two years: Honest talk about your feelings and where things stand is a must.

Without honesty, couples end up walking on eggshells and living with anxiety. Couples who put honest communication first tend to share a deeper connection and more trust.

Many people shy away from honesty for fear of sounding harsh or overly critical toward their partner, but you can tell the truth without being cruel.

It may be hard, but being honest is how you let your significant other know your needs and dislikes. That covers where you are, what you’re unsure about, and which of the meals your partner cooked you actually enjoyed.

2. Pay Attention to Each Other’s Needs

Everyone needs different things in a relationship, and needs that go unmet can quickly erode a romance.

Some people need a weekly date night, while others would rather get compliments all day long. Whatever your significant other needs, it’s up to you to understand those needs and meet them.

Asking your partner directly is ideal, but it isn’t the only way to learn what they need.

A surprise gift can make a moment extra special for your S.O. It helps to know which love language your S.O. speaks, or to notice what they like when they treat themselves.

3. Active Listening

Active listening helps people deepen communication in their relationships.

Listening and hearing are two very different things. Hearing happens naturally and involuntarily and asks little of you, whereas active listening means consciously choosing to focus on what someone is saying.

According to Holding Hope Marriage and Family Therapy, when romantic partners practice active listening, intimacy can grow and the relationship can become more fulfilling and satisfying.

Active listening lets you sort out misunderstandings and develop a deeper appreciation for your significant other.

4. Compromise

In a relationship, you’ll need to compromise in some areas.

Sadly, a “my way or no way” attitude won’t cut it for a relationship that’s meant to last. When conflict comes up, the two of you will need to work through your differences and reach a mutual agreement.

Some people mistake compromise for weakness, but it’s just the opposite. Compromising is one way to show your S.O. respect. It shows you’re a team player in the relationship, not a dictator.

“When we compromise, we validate our partner’s feelings, needs, desires, and aspirations. We are showing them that we respect them, their needs matter, and that their point of view is valuable — even though it’s different from our own,” explained Claudia de Llano, a licensed therapist who specializes in marriage and family.

Common Challenges and How to Handle Them

Ups and downs are part of every relationship; there’s no avoiding them. What matters is how couples deal with the obstacles they face.

Fortunately, therapy resources can guide couples toward a solution that helps.

Trust Issues

Every healthy relationship needs trust. Without it, things turn toxic. Trust issues are the biggest thing standing between couples and the new heights their relationships could reach.

“Trust most often develops over some time. With guidance, a person can identify where trust was compromised in the past. In fact, the therapy process itself helps many people learn to trust again.”

— GoodTherapy

Hard as it may sound, couples are responsible for building, strengthening, and rebuilding trust so they can move ahead.

Some people have trust issues because of how they were raised or their past relationships. Therapists can help couples uncover what’s keeping them from fully trusting each other.

Incompatibility & Dealbreakers

Nobody will tick every box on your ideal-partner list, and that’s fine! Some dealbreakers, though, can leave two people incompatible, and you shouldn’t overlook them.

Do you need to break up over a difference of opinion? Not necessarily, but it’s definitely worth talking about.

Psychology Today reports that men and women generally agree poor hygiene is a dealbreaker.

Many relationship coaches and therapists recommend kicking off a relationship by talking through dealbreakers and boundaries, so nothing catches you off guard down the road.

Working past incompatibility isn’t easy, but it’s possible. You can celebrate what makes you different and look for shared ground as you go.

Couples Counseling

Some problems are too big for a couple to fix alone. In that case, turning to a couples counselor or therapist for professional help is a smart move.

Couples counseling gives partners tailored guidance on how to talk things through and strengthen their relationship.

Having Someone by Your Side Matters

To me, a significant other is life’s cherry on top. In good times and bad, it matters to know somebody’s in your corner.

Any hopeless romantic (me included) will find the companionship, love, and laughter a significant other brings well worth it.