Anxiety Keeps Over 2 in 5 Young Americans From Dating, Survey Finds

This is an anxious generation of young Americans. According to research the U.S. National Institute of Health (NIH) put out, rates of depression and anxiety both doubled over the course of the pandemic and haven’t come down since. Anxiety can take a toll on personal well-being, and on relationships, too.

So how does anxiety shape dating and the early days of a relationship? We surveyed over 1,000 millennial and Gen Z singles about their dating experiences, the ways anxiety affects them, and what they look for when they date.

47% Say Anxiety Is the Reason They’re Single

Dating is tough. Putting yourself out there in search of a partner, or even just a fun night, can be intimidating, and for anyone with social anxiety, the ask is bigger still. Close to 4 out of 5 of the millennials and Gen Zers we surveyed find dating stressful, and almost half (43%) said anxiety keeps them from dating at all.

“Dating has changed enormously,” relationship expert Kenji Takahashi said. “Our dependence on technology has shrunk our ability to flirt and replaced it with social anxiety. But, like any relationship skill, the art of online flirting can be learned.”

More than 3 in 5 respondents told us anxiety hurts their dating life. That can translate into staying single for longer, and some people grow pessimistic as a result. Among single Gen Zers and millennials, forty-two percent expect to die alone; among millennials specifically, that figure climbs to nearly half, at 47%.

Many singles face an added stressor: the sense that their window for having kids is closing. Among single women younger than 43 (the age of today’s oldest Millennials), over 1 in 3 (36%) feel anxious about their biological clock.

Anxiety, it turns out, is something most millennial and Gen Z singles know well: 83% report having it, and of that group, 55% have been clinically diagnosed. To calm their nerves ahead of a first date, one in 10 rely on anxiety medication, though for some, that doesn’t do the trick.

Almost half (47%) say their anxiety is the reason they’re single. Then again, the anxious sea has plenty of fish. A quarter of respondents would rather date people who also have anxiety, and 15% tell a date about their mental health status the very first time they meet.

Everyone needs a mental health day once in a while, and struggles with mental health can get the better of any of us. For the sake of their mental health, 1 in 3 young singles have called off a date, and anxiety has led more than 2 in 5 to ghost a date.

Honesty seems to be the best policy: more than half of respondents said they’re more likely to date someone who’s open about their mental health. You might hold back a little, though: more than 1 in 10 say they’ve been scared off when a date opened up about their mental health.

The Biggest Worries Singles Have on Dates

Everybody gets a little nervous ahead of a date, though some singles feel it more than others. Close to 1 in 6 (16%) of the young singles we surveyed have experienced a panic attack during a first date.

So what worries Gen Zers and millennials most on a first date? Rejection tops the list (64%), followed by a gap between expectation and reality (56%), running out of things to say (43%), coming across as “too much” to their date (28%), and, last, the nagging worry that the first date will end up wasting their time (25%).

Other singles worry about safety: 1 in 5 feel anxious about being assaulted on a first date.

For some people, anxiety is so constant that it’s more surprising when someone doesn’t have it. Indeed, 1 in 10 people we surveyed admit they’d be “weirded out” if a date didn’t have anxiety in 2024, a share that rises to 16% among LGBTQ+ people.

Messaging for ages without ever meeting up is another big anxiety trigger. It’s known as carouselling, and it has happened to 2 in 3 respondents. Over half (53%) say the longer they message a potential date, the more anxious they get.

Intimacy can set off anxiety, too. Anxiety about sexual performance in particular has led upward of 1 in 10 (13%) to end a date. Panic attacks are also a problem: 11% of single women admit they’ve had one during sex.

More Than Half of Singles Call Dating Apps a Waste of Time

Being single isn’t wrong in itself, but many people don’t relish the idea of a future without a partner. In fact, 3 in 5 are afraid of growing old alone. Family opinions make it worse for some respondents: 30% told us their families keep pushing them to “settle down” and start looking for a spouse.

Even with these worries, lots of young singles remain hopeful, and 72% believe someone out there is meant for them. The question, then, is where they’ll meet that person.

Two-thirds of respondents would rather meet people naturally, face to face, than rely on dating apps. Likewise, 2 in 3 say dating apps make them anxious, and 53% even call dating apps a waste of time.

If apps are off the table, how are anxious singles supposed to meet anyone? Fewer than 1 in 5 think they’re putting themselves out there enough to find dates, and close to 1 in 3 (31%) have turned someone down because of their own dating anxiety.

Even once they’re seeing someone regularly, the fears may linger: 46% worry about “catching feelings” for someone they’re dating, and 43% struggle with commitment anxiety.

A partner may not be right for everyone, but here’s hoping every anxious single finds happiness in their own way.

Methodology

In October 2024, we asked 1,007 millennial and Gen Z singles how anxiety does (or doesn’t) connect to their dating life. Respondents were 49% men and 47% women, and the other 4% were nonbinary or preferred not to say. They ranged in age from 18 to 43, and the average age was 30.