5 Tips for Men on Nailing the First Kiss

It’s been a magical evening. Conversation came easily and was fun, the location was spot-on, and the wine kept pouring like, well, wine. Music drifts through the air while a passing breeze plays with a loose lock of her hair. Your eyes lock, you lean in, and you accidentally knock her glass of wine into her lap.

She jumps up shrieking, and the romance evaporates as you scramble to wave down the waiter for some water to clean up the mess.

You blew the first kiss! Is there any coming back from this?!

There is! Follow our first kiss tips and you won’t need to learn how to get wine out of chiffon, and with luck, your first kiss will be memorable for all the right reasons.

A first kiss is a lovely way to begin a love story, but without meaning to, we often make it much harder on ourselves than it has to be. These tips should make it less awkward and, hopefully, land you a second date!

1. Make Sure Your Date Wants a Kiss

Your move for a kiss shouldn’t come out of the blue.

No date guarantees a kiss at the end, and when the chemistry hasn’t been strong enough, trying for one can be really jarring.

Sure, you could simply ask whether she’d like a kiss, but in my experience, most women would prefer you didn’t. Still, you want to be as sure as possible, by other means, that a kiss is welcome.

Watch her body language and listen for verbal cues.

By this point, there should already have been some physical contact. Have her hands touched you? Have the two of you hugged? Have you rested a hand on her knee? Maybe she’s flirting, twirling her hair, and telling you you’re cute and funny. Each of these signals interest.

Before you make your move, you need to clear a few hurdles and get the green light.

And when you do finally kiss, don’t smash your lips into hers. Use the rule from “Hitch.” Close 90% of the distance and let her cover the final 10%. That’s her way of saying “Yes!”

2. Get Your Mouth Kiss-Ready

Back in high school, every boy I knew carried Binaca breath spray. You had to be prepared for that kiss (even though plenty of us wouldn’t get one for years!).

Before any date, floss and brush your teeth, and bring something to keep your breath fresh.

Gum, spray, mints: anything works. Just have something on hand to get rid of that caramelized onion taste.

When you’re eating out, check your mouth for that dreaded food stuck in your teeth. I’d suggest a trip to the restroom to be sure.

A real mirror beats a quick look on your phone, though that front-facing camera can come in handy in a pinch! Nothing should spoil that special moment, so remove your Invisalign and make sure your dentures are secure.

3. Don’t Forget About Your Hands

Sometimes hands feel like clumsy tools. They flail about and get in the way. People actually teach the skill of controlling your hands.

While you kiss, let your hands caress her.

Some speakers rely on mudras, or hand positions, drawn from Buddhism, Jainism, and Hinduism. Others clasp their hands behind their backs to avoid distracting anyone.

As you lean in for the kiss, don’t leave your arms dangling like limp logs of flesh. Use one to hold her or to touch the small of her back.

Your other hand can rise to her face and gently cup her cheek. That same hand can also guide her face (gently!) toward yours so you’re kissing at a better angle.

Hands can make a kiss feel even better. If the kissing goes on for a while, run your fingers through her hair, draw her in, or let your hands wander lightly over her body.

4. Don’t Wait Until the Night Is Over

Something I see far too often is holding the kiss until the night is over. You know the scene from the movies: he sees her home to her door or front stoop, and they chat. They turn to face each other, and then it either happens or it doesn’t.

It may look romantic, but this isn’t Hollywood. Saving the kiss for last loads it with way too much pressure. Some sexual tension and anticipation is fine, but it can make both of you very anxious.

She thinks:

“OMG, is he going to go in for the kiss when I get to my house?”

While he’s thinking:

“Uuuuuuhhhh, does she expect me to try and kiss her when we get to get door?”

In my view, getting that kiss “over with” halfway through the date lets you both relax a bit, and the rest of the evening gets so much better!

Once you both KNOW the attraction is mutual, you can snuggle up and enjoy each other’s company even more.

5. Get the Timing Right

I get that guys sometimes need to psych themselves up. Maybe you’re telling yourself, “OK, she’s sitting next to me, her leg up against mine, and her hand is resting on my thigh and she’s looking at me intently. I think I’m good! I’m going to go for the kiss!”

Whether your first kiss is spontaneous or carefully planned is your call!

The problem is, you’ve missed that she’s telling you about being bullied in high school. She’s opening up to you, and out of nowhere, SMACK, you kiss her! That’s going to feel a little jarring.

I’m not telling you to walk her through Central Park and, just as you’re crossing the bridge, pull her into your arms for a kiss. But I’m not NOT telling you that, either!

A bit of planning can change everything. Arrange a twilight stroll through a flower garden, settle into a shady patch of grass, and tell her how happy you feel. Touches like these set the scene and make the whole thing magical!

What Comes After the Kiss?

Not everything needs a plan, but it helps to know what could come next, both “in the next few minutes” and “down the road.”

Will you invite her back to your place? Will you tell her, a little wistfully, how eager you are to see her again? Would you like to keep kissing, or would that much PDA be out of place where you are?

Looking further ahead, a kiss is something of a promise. It doesn’t make you a couple, but it does mean things are heading the right way. Do you want her as your girlfriend, or as a FWB? Could this be a one-night stand, or the start of something more?

In the end, most of us will have plenty of first kisses that lead nowhere, but a kiss with the right person at just the right moment makes it all pay off!