One-Night Stands, Explained

Plenty of splashy headlines insist Gen Z has less sex than earlier generations and claim 20-somethings are “rejecting hookup culture” in droves, but that doesn't describe everyone. Lots of singles still want sex without anything getting serious. One-night stands remain a fixture of single life, giving people a way to meet their physical needs without wading into the mess of a relationship.

Before you dive headfirst into the casual sex pool, it helps to understand what you're signing up for and what to expect. So, what does a one-night stand actually involve? Let's get into it!

What Counts as a One-Night Stand

Before getting into the details of why people like one-night stands, how they go about them, and what the upsides and dangers are, we should pin down exactly what a one-night stand is. Casual encounters come in so many styles, methods, and formats that people often confuse the terms and definitions.

The dictionary technically gives the phrase one-night stand two definitions, but the one tied to dating is simple enough: a sexual encounter that happens on just one occasion. It can also describe the person you have a one-time sexual encounter with, but we'll stay with the meaning that describes the act.

Put simply, one-night stands are sexual encounters that happen just once.

Two main things define a one-night stand: it's sexual, and it happens once. The sexual element separates it from a date, which doesn't carry an explicit goal of sex. The one-time element separates it from the other casual encounters that all sit under the broad umbrella of hookups.

People can get their physical needs met without emotional involvement through a “friends with benefits” setup, a regular go-to hookup partner, or a situationship. In each of these casual sexual arrangements, both people know there's no emotional relationship (though friends with benefits usually spend some time together outside of sex), but none of them is the same as a one-night stand.

Your one-night stand doesn't need to be with a stranger to count, but most happen between people who barely know each other and don't want a deeper emotional bond.

If you're hooking up once with someone you don't want to date or even see again when it's over, you're having a one-night stand.

Why People Do It and What They Expect

The reasons behind one-night stands are as varied as the people who have them. Knowing why people seek them out helps set healthy expectations and makes sure everyone involved stays safe and enjoys themselves.

Psychological Factors

So why do people have one-night stands? For all sorts of reasons! The psychology behind casual sex runs surprisingly deep, though plenty of people prefer the simplest explanation: sex feels good, and relationships are complicated.

Yet one-night stands are about more than sexual gratification alone. Common factors include biological sex drive, social pressure, and a craving for intimacy.

Using an anonymous survey, one team of psychologists looked at men's and women's attitudes about casual sex, and what it found about why each gender tends to have one-night stands was intriguing. “In terms of why men and women sought hook-ups, there was a fairly big gender difference overall, with predictable gender differences on items you would probably expect such as ‘I had a hookup because I was feeling miserable’ and ‘…because I felt pressured’ (more agreement from women); and ‘For sexual satisfaction/gratification’ (more agreement for men).”

“Not surprisingly, there was a huge gender difference, with men reporting nearly twice as many hook-ups on average.” — Ryan Anderson Ph.D.

The survey also turned up a lot of common ground. Men and women were equally likely to say they hooked up out of affection for the other person, to boost their self-confidence, and simply for fun or enjoyment.

John Herald Lee, an author and self-help guru, suggests that straight men in particular may prefer casual sex, one-night stands included, because they're touch-starved. Humans have a core need for physical touch, and single heterosexual men can go without it because Western culture attaches a stigma to men hugging one another or being physically affectionate in other ways.

Women get something out of one-night stands, too. In a study run by two New Zealand universities, researchers found that women frequently look for a one-night stand to feel desirable, build confidence, and enjoy a kind of sexual freedom that committed relationships don't permit.

Communication and Consent

A one-night stand, by definition, isn't a formal, serious relationship, but good communication and consent are still essential to a good time. Setting boundaries and expectations, knowing what you and your partner want, and making sure you're on the same page can separate a great encounter from a big regret.

You may never see your partner again once it's over, but communicating well is still the key to enjoying yourself.

“Not everyone will be into doing the precise things you’re into, of course, but you have very little to lose with a one-night fling, since they won’t know it’s ‘out of character,’ so you might as well indulge your wild side.” –Anna Pulley in Salon

There's no need to share your whole life story or your romantic and sexual history, but be clear about what you want before you ever reach the bedroom (or the living room couch, depending on the night). Being honest helps you get exactly the kind of encounter you're after, and it keeps you from accidentally agreeing to something you don't want.

Hookup apps such as Pure encourage users to be honest by offering a safe, kink-friendly place to post ads that spell out exactly what they want from their sexual encounters.

Consent is essential in any sexual activity. Be sure your partner understands what they're agreeing to and is enthusiastically on board, which also makes the sex better. As VICE notes in this article, asking once isn't enough — check in now and then that your partner is still enjoying it.

Societal Stigmas

In the 1960s, the sexual revolution promoted free love and treated casual sex as normal, yet conservative Christian values still carry a lot of weight across much of the U.S. One-night stands still come with plenty of stigma, particularly for women. Women take the brunt of the social disapproval for risky sexual behavior like hookups, but men face their own stigmas around hooking up, too.

Stereotypes about gender overlook how complex human emotions are.

Barney Stinson from “How I Met Your Mother” is one character who toys with the idea of a guy who sleeps with too many people, turning the stereotypical player and pickup artist into a clown who's overcompensating for his own insecurities. Then again, men face a lot of stigma when they lack sexual experience or don't go looking for at least a few casual encounters.

Women who look for casual sex can face disapproval. The term “slut shaming” caught on in 2004 as a name for the social contempt women often get, from men and other women alike, for behavior seen as promiscuous, one-night stands included.

Women are still pushing back against the stigma of enjoying casual encounters, but the potential social price is real. Popular as they are, one-night stands have inspired several phrases for the regret that can follow, like “the walk of shame.”

Nobody should feel ashamed for meeting their needs. Unfortunately, stigmas and social attitudes about casual sex, and about one-night stands in particular, are still widespread in the dating world.

Risks and How to Stay Safe

One-night stands can be a fun, thrilling way to meet your needs, but they aren't free of risk. Casual encounters can affect both physical and mental health, and it's worth remembering that before you go looking for a hookup. Luckily, there are great tools and strategies for reducing those risks, and knowing a little goes a long way.

Sexual Health & STIs

STIs (sexually transmitted infections) and other sexual health problems are the most obvious risks of casual sex. Every sexual partner carries some chance of passing on an STI, and the more partners you have, the higher that chance climbs. Because one-night stands usually happen between strangers, you typically aren't screening them as carefully as you'd screen a romantic partner.

The World Health Organization works to raise awareness of how common hepatitis and other STIs are.

Unprotected sex can pass viruses, bacteria, parasites, and other agents that cause disease from one person to another, and the effects of those pathogens can stay with you for life.

Herpes, HPV, hepatitis, and other sexually transmitted viruses can hit especially hard, because medications can treat them but can't cure them. HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) may be scarier still — medicines exist to keep it under control, yet living with HIV is hard.

STIs caused by bacteria draw less notice, yet they too can lead to health problems. Chlamydia, gonorrhea, trichomoniasis, and syphilis can all be cured, but they can do real damage if they aren't caught early. Syphilis especially can lead to serious long-term health problems when it goes untreated for an extended period, and its early symptoms can be easy to miss.

Unprotected sex can also lead to other sexual health problems, such as yeast infections, urethritis, bacterial vaginosis, unintended pregnancy, and more ordinary infections. Certain activities can also cause tears or abrasions on the delicate skin around and inside the genitals.

Sexually transmitted or not, these infections frequently go unnoticed early on, since the first symptoms can be mild or absent altogether. If you notice any of the telltale symptoms of an STI, get tested right away. The main ones include:

• Painful urination
• Discharge from the genitals that smells bad
• Discharge that's cloudy, bloody, or an unusual color
• Genital pain
• Lymph nodes that are swollen, particularly in the groin
• Sores, ulcers, or warts on or near the genitals
• Fever
• Irritation or swelling in the genital area

Get tested regularly even when you have no symptoms of a specific STI. Our recommendation is to test after every new sexual partner. If you're sexually active, get tested at least twice a year.

Emotional Fallout

Warnings about one-night stands tend to center on physical health risks, but the emotional fallout deserves consideration, too. Research shows casual sex can take a real toll on mental and emotional health, particularly among singles of college age.

The link between casual sex and depression could run either way, but there are still good reasons to be sure you're in a healthy mental place before starting a new sexual adventure.

It's actually pretty common to catch feelings after a one-night stand, for men just as much as women. Sex triggers the release of oxytocin, a brain chemical tied to bonding, which boosts feelings of contentment while easing distress and anxiety.

Some people even try to build something serious out of a one-night stand. Psychology Today reports that roughly 27% of casual partners manage to build a real relationship.

Once the oxytocin haze lifts, anxiety and distress can come rushing back, bringing morning-after guilt with them, particularly if you didn't set clear expectations before diving into the hookup.

Combined with the social stigma around promiscuity and casual sex, those regrets can be tough for some people to come to terms with. Women face an added pitfall: slut-shaming and other forms of disapproval are a risk for them, and they may not even get the sexual satisfaction they're after. Research on the orgasm gap digs further into this. Many straight women seem to steer clear of casual sex not only because of the stigma, but because they're less apt to walk away satisfied, considering the risks they take on.

To manage the emotional risks of hooking up, set sensible expectations for yourself, go in with the right mindset, and communicate clearly with your partner.

Technology Can Mitigate Risks

The upside is that plenty of tools and tech advances can help pleasure-seekers handle the risks of a one-night stand. Armed with the right resources, staying safe and having fun is fairly easy.

Along with dental dams, condoms, and other barrier methods for preventing STI transmission, vaccines against hepatitis, HPV, and similar viruses help protect you from the long-term health risks linked to those diseases. Getting tested for STDs regularly is crucial but can feel a bit embarrassing, which is why platforms such as HerpesHub and LetsGetChecked make it easy to get tested anonymously. Your results go straight to your device.

Singles with herpes can find supportive resources and dating advice on HerpesHub.

Meeting strangers comes with physical risks, so vet a potential one-night stand partner a bit before heading home with them. Luckily, many dating platforms provide tools such as background checks, either as an extra service or as part of the profile creation process.

You can take charge of your own screening, too, particularly if you're meeting people on hookup apps and sites. A real background check usually costs money, but doing a little research on a potential partner can help a lot, even if you aren't ready to pay for a service.

And of course, take the standard precautions any time you meet someone new. Meet in a public place the first time, set up a video or voice chat ahead of any in-person meeting, and keep a trusted friend on call in case you need to pull off a quick, strategic exit.

How Gender Shapes Casual Dating

It's no surprise that women and men experience casual dating and hookups differently. Gender-based expectations vary widely, after all, and that shows up in research on people who have casual sex. Men tend to exaggerate how many sexual partners they've had, while women tend to report lower numbers.

The gender dynamics of casual relationships can make a satisfying one-night stand harder to find, and sexual orientation matters, too.

Male Satisfaction & Female Shame

As noted earlier, men get more encouragement than women to have casual sex, and that expectation strongly shapes how each gender looks for sex and experiences what follows.

Because of the shame and stigma attached to casual encounters, women frequently struggle to feel at ease during hookups and one-night stands. That stigma also raises the risk of women having negative sexual experiences, including coercion and violations of their physical boundaries.

Men generally report more satisfaction and enjoyment from casual encounters, but one-night stands carry risks for them as well. Plenty of men describe performance anxiety when it's time to actually go through with a one-night stand, particularly if they've been drinking beforehand.

Double standards and the stigma surrounding female sexuality can mean less supportive care. Many people don't seek help for the negative feelings and experiences that follow a one-night stand, which can snowball into a downward spiral that makes everything harder.

If you have doubts about whether you truly want a one-night stand, it's probably wise to hold off on arranging a hookup.

LGBTQ+ Hookup Culture

Gendered expectations about sex likely fuel certain stereotypes of the LGBTQ+ community. The belief that gay men are constantly promiscuous and hunting for hookups surely owes a lot to the idea that all men are hypersexual.

Hookup apps such as Grindr and SCRUFF make hookups simpler and safer than ever for queer men, giving them a place to find sex and community without coming out.

Grindr helps gay men find nearby dates who are DTF.

Queer women deal with plenty of stereotypes and stigma about their sexuality, too, particularly bisexual and pansexual women. There are double standards in dating around how women pursue casual sex compared with how men go about it.

The LGBTQ+ community is more accepting of people exploring new sexual experiences and meeting their needs through one-night stands. Still, there are plenty of minefields to get through, for gay men and pansexual women alike.

One-Night Stands Are a Mark of Sexual Freedom

If you'd like to meet your physical needs free of relationship complications, a one-night stand could suit you perfectly. It lets you get your rocks off and then say goodbye. One-time hookups still carry a lot of stigma, particularly for women, but they remain a popular way to get physical intimacy while sidestepping emotional complications.

If crazy, commitment-free fun sounds good and you don't feel like getting to know a partner more deeply, a one-night stand may be right up your alley!