How to Make the Most of a Dinner Date

We'll kick off this guide with a quick challenge: Drop whatever you're doing and think of a romantic comedy without a dinner date of some kind. Gotcha! You can't, because there aren't any (and please don't fact-check me here).

That's because, in the world of romance, dinner dates are a classic, even more than chocolates, flowers, and the awkward expression guys get when they lean in for a first kiss.

Planned and carried out well, a dinner date can give two people a safe space to get to know one another more deeply, whether it's two singles out on a first date or longtime partners toasting their 40th anniversary. This guide will serve up everything you need to make that happen, from picking a location to setting the mood to minding your table manners. So get comfy, relax, and prepare to break bread (with gluten-free options on hand, naturally).

Preparation Matters Most

Good things come to those who wait? Nope. Good things come to those who plan. A dinner date that knocks it out of the park is built on intention and preparation, and yes, that means you shouldn't wait until the day itself to start brainstorming. Exactly how much time planning will take, though, depends on several factors, the location among them.

Choose the Perfect Venue

The question “What should we eat for dinner tonight?” splits up couples and entire nations alike, which is one reason you should give yourself a generous head start to lock in the details.

Planning in advance helps your romantic evening run smoothly.

Say the two of you want to head out and have dinner at a romantic bar or restaurant. You might have to book a table days, or even weeks, in advance. Heaven knows you don't want a night like the one Phil and Claire Foster have in the classic film “Date Night.”

You'll also have to think about what both of you like to eat and any dietary needs, though we'll cover that more in a later section.

Maybe the idea of trying to bond while a dozen other couples debate ordering truffle fries makes you and your partner uneasy. If so, think about a cozier setting, like a picnic tucked into a quiet spot in a nearby park, or dinner at home.

A dinner date at home might mean getting takeout, one of you cooking for the other, or making a meal as a team. That last choice can be especially good for building a bond with your date or partner, since it's hands-on and calls for listening skills, teamwork, and (if you'd like to feel like you're starring in a romcom) a little flour fight. If you need some simple date night recipes, you'll find plenty of great ones right here.

Set the Mood

The atmosphere of the spot is another factor to weigh as you plan your dinner date. Are you after something sleek and upscale or cozy and relaxed? Would you like bright lights or a dim, candlelit room? It all depends on the mood the two of you are after.

Please keep this in mind: A hot pink fuzzy wall and a neon sign made for Instagram will only get you so far on a romantic night out. If you can't make out what your date is saying, the cool photos may not be worth it (this time, anyway).

Either of you can help set the mood with a small gift or gesture, too. A handwritten note, a bouquet of fresh flowers, or soft music playing in the background (if you're eating at home) can make a big difference. You might also grab what you need to mix cocktails or mocktails!

Dining Out

A dinner date at home can be a great pick for people who love home comforts, are watching their spending, or expect to want a speedy move from the entrée to dessert (wink, wink). Other times, though, what you really want is a night on the town.

A neighborhood restaurant can make for an unforgettable date.

Cocktail bars and restaurants can feel intimate and sexy in their own way, and they can offer a welcome change of scene if you've spent plenty of evenings at home binge-watching “One Day” on Netflix. Still, if you want a smooth, romantic evening, there are a few things to think about as you plan.

Exploring the Menu

Perhaps you usually spend 15 minutes studying the menu before choosing what to order. Or perhaps you decide with a casual round of Eeny Meeny Miney Mo. Whatever your habit, try to meet somewhere in the middle on your dinner date. The reason? Working through the menu as a pair can be a sweet way to bond, easing you into the rest of the night and teaching you a thing or two about each other as you go. Think of it as an icebreaker.

Want advice on date-safe dishes (the kind that keep drips and splashes to a minimum)? Check out this list.

Sharing is Caring 

As Guy Fieri once put it, “Food is the only universal thing that has the power to bring everybody together.” We wholeheartedly agree! That's why we suggest sharing your meal on your next dinner date.

You could order one big dish and split it, order two different dishes and give each other half, or go all in at a tapas spot. If you want to maximize your odds of a delicious meal, those last two options are excellent.

That said, we suggest checking first that your date is on board with this plan, since some people have food allergies or just don't subscribe to the “sharing is caring” way of life. If that's the case, you could share a bottle of wine instead. In the end, the goal is to build a sense of togetherness through a shared experience, and how you do that is entirely your call.

Table Manners and Etiquette 

You could take your date by helicopter to dinner high atop the Eiffel Tower, and every bit of romance you've built up that evening could still vanish in a flash if your etiquette isn't up to par.

A few standard rules of thumb for good dinner date manners: put your napkin in your lap when the meal begins, chew with your mouth closed, wait until your date's food arrives before digging into yours, eat carefully (so you don't end up with stains and drips), and treat the servers politely. For me personally, rudeness is the biggest red flag there is.

It's disrespectful to text or take calls on a date.

Other etiquette rules are less clear-cut, particularly when it's time to pay. You might reasonably assume that whoever asked you out will pay the bill, or at least offer. But with Western culture recently moving away from traditional gender roles, figuring out the right answer can get a little tricky.

If you're a man taking a woman out, she'll probably expect you to pay for her, or she'll offer to split the bill to be polite. Some newer arguments hold, though, that it's still fair to expect a man to pay for his female date, given the persistent gender wage gap and the overall imbalance of power between the sexes. Some men say that even though paying on a date isn't something they have to do, they choose to anyway, since it feels romantic and affirms their masculinity.

The LGBTQ+ community seems to operate with far fewer expectations and rules. That can feel nerve-racking, but it may also simply leave much more room for flexibility.

Dietary Considerations

Back in 2005, when I first learned I was lactose intolerant, I didn't know one other person who shared my sad fate (mac and cheese, I miss you dearly). These days, it feels like everyone around me has a rumbly tummy.

Sources including the U.S. Department of Agriculture and Medical News Today report that 6% of American adults have a food allergy, while an estimated 15-20% have food intolerances.

When picking a romantic restaurant, think about dietary needs.

So before you book a spot for date night, talk to your partner and find out which foods they can't have. Few things douse the flames of romance like a stomachache, or worse, a visit to the ER.

Conversation and Connection

Getting dressed up and treating your taste buds to something zesty is always a good time, but ultimately, the point of a dinner date is to build a stronger bond and a deeper sense of closeness with the person across the table. So how your evening goes will depend more on your conversation and how present you can be than on the food in front of you.

Engaging Dialogue 

There's only so long you can chat about the traffic on the drive over and what's on the menu. Once the small talk and pleasantries are out of the way, it's time to steer toward something meaningful. That will look different for each couple, but the key is to stay engaged and present, which means asking open-ended questions, practicing active listening, and doing your fair share of the talking.

To keep things light, fun, and sexy, we also suggest steering clear of certain topics. On a first date, you're better off not bringing up your ex, not sharing too much personal information too fast, and not trying to love bomb your date. If the two of you have been together a long time, we recommend leaving work stress and home insurance chatter at the door. This time at the table belongs to you and your special someone, so make the most of it.

Active Listening 

Few things are more maddening than a date who obviously isn't paying attention to the conversation. Maybe their eyes wander everywhere except toward you, they keep glancing at their phone, or they answer only with the odd shrug. However it shows up, it's extremely rude, and it definitely makes you wonder whether all the work you put into the date was worth it.

If you can't stand that feeling, do what you can to make sure you aren't doing the same thing to your date. Active listening is an extremely effective way to do that.

Notice your date's body language as well as their words.

Active listening refers to any behavior that shows the person you're talking with that you're completely present and focused on the subject at hand. Signs of active listening can include holding steady eye contact, smiling and nodding, asking follow-up questions, and letting the other person share their thoughts without cutting in. Practicing this skill will make your date more enjoyable, and it will also strengthen your bond overall by bringing you closer.

Unplug from Distractions 

Now that technology is so woven into our everyday lives, this one is hard, but cutting down on distractions is one of the most powerful moves on any date. That might mean switching your phone to DND (or at least tucking it into your bag or coat), turning the TV off (when you're eating at home), or getting a babysitter (if you have kids).

In a modern world that celebrates the “never stop grinding” mindset, it's a real treat to sit down somewhere peaceful with someone you care about and simply, well, be.

A Culinary Road to Romance

If you doubted at first that anyone could write a guide pages long about improving something as basic as a dinner date, you'll finish this one humbled and with a wealth of information to draw on as your dating life moves forward. The dinner date may be a simple art, but it's an art all the same. Everything from the dish you order to how loud the background music is shapes the way your romantic evening unfolds. Details do matter.

Every choice you make should come back to one shared goal: giving two people a safe, romantic space in which to spend time strengthening their relationship, no matter how long or short a time they've known each other. If the night ends with a Cheshire cat grin, wine-stained lips, or a request for a second date, you have proof you did it right.