Single at 30? 5 Reasons That’s Perfectly Fine

Picture the scene: you're outdoors, having a good time. Your favorite cousin just got married, and you're kicking back at a table with a beer, grinning at everyone out on the dance floor. What a great day it's been, full of laughter and love, and catching up with everyone has been wonderful.

All of a sudden, you sense someone hovering behind you. A stale cloud of Chanel No. 5 fills the air, and a clawlike hand with freshly done acrylic nails clamps onto your shoulder. The mood turns dark.

“Theeeeere you are nephew!  Whyyyyyyy aren’t you dancing? Did you not bring a date? Are you stiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiillll single? You know women don’t wait foreverrrrr. When I was your age….”

You fix a smile on your face, jaw clenched, and let your mind drift elsewhere while one more apparently well-meaning relative lectures you about still being single in your 30s. You feel fine, but with all these people chiming in, you begin to doubt yourself and ask, “Is it okay to be single at 30?” We say yes! Here are 5 reasons.

1. You Haven't Settled

The word “settle” carries a lot of baggage. Here, let's define it as accepting less than what you want or deserve. We spend our lives growing and trying to work out who we are. The teenage version of us isn't the person we became in our 20s, and our 30s bring yet another big change from our 20s. What's expected of each age group also varies with where you live and your culture.

The youngest age at marriage is found in Utah, and the oldest in New York. When everybody you know marries right after finishing high school or college, you might assume you should follow suit, even when it isn't what you want.

Settling can leave couples dissatisfied as time passes.

Life, though, is about experiences, good ones and bad ones, and what they teach you. You find out what you like and what you don't. You go through changes that shape who you are. Every one of them helps you sharpen your sense of what you need and want.

One of my clients held a pretty bleak view of marriage, since nearly all his friends had married their first girlfriends, and every one of them was miserable. Because he waited, though, he was able to work out what suited him best and pick the right partner. Being single doesn't mean no one wants you. It means you're taking your time choosing the person you'd like to spend your time with.

2. You Have Less Patience for Drama

We've probably all heard the saying “Don’t stick your dick in cr***!” And if you're like most guys, you ignored it completely. I sure did! That lasts until the drama shows up at your door. Then it hits you that it's absolutely not worth it. She might be hot and amazing in bed, but man, it's wrecking your mental health. As you get older, being happy and centered matters more and more. And if someone comes along who really rocks your boat, it's a lot easier to sail off toward calmer waters.

The drama might not be intentional. Everybody has insecurities to work through, or trauma of their own they're trying to heal from. So if a younger woman keeps testing your loyalty, she may have an anxious attachment style and fear that you'll leave. That doesn't make it right, but it does explain it. By our 30s, we've often gotten past a lot of insecurities and have room to put more inner work into ourselves and our relationships.

3. Kids Are Still an Option

Okay, this one isn't exactly fair, but hey, that's life. Biologically, we men can thankfully have kids whenever we like. Heck, Robert DeNiro, at 79 years old, just had his seventh child! Not that I'm advocating for geriatric dads, but we do get a little leeway.

Lots of women of a certain age watch their window for having kids get smaller, and that can be very emotional. The choice may come down to hurrying to have kids, or not hurrying and not having them.

My first child arrived when I was 41. So much for my plan to be a young, hot dad! Still, I'm a far better father than I'd have been even 10 years earlier. I'm more centered, I like who I am, and we're doing fine financially. A happy dad who feels he made the right call still beats a younger, more energetic one who has misgivings.

4. Your Friends' Mistakes Teach You

The business world puts a lot of pressure on people to be “first movers” and “innovators.” Here's some news, though: the first movers are rarely the ones who last. They make all the mistakes, and everyone who comes after gets to learn from them. In a relationship, figuring out what not to do matters every bit as much as figuring out what to do right.

Every past relationship you learn from makes you a more appealing date.

By the time I met the woman who's now my wife, I still made a few relationship mistakes, but I at least sidestepped plenty that I'd already watched other people make.

I went to TWO surprise parties where a husband threw a party for his girlfriend or wife right after she'd been at the gym, or while she was in casual clothes. Every guest was dolled up and looked fantastic, while the birthday girl, hair unwashed and leggings stained, posed for photos with the crowd and shot daggers at her man. When I threw my wife a surprise 40th, I made sure she came straight from a makeover!

5. You Have Time to Do the Inner Work

Everyone has issues, trauma, and baggage; that's part of being human. Working out what makes you tick, and how to handle whatever life throws your way, generally takes a while. When you're younger, you might still be acting out every one of your issues. They may not be your fault, but they're still there. Our future significant other deserves the most complete version of us we can offer when we meet.

So make use of this stretch and see a therapist! Take up a few new hobbies. Travel solo while your responsibilities are lighter. Grow into the kind of person others are drawn to.

Single at 30? It's Just One Chapter of Your Story

Life's a wonderful journey, and we all move at our own pace. Don't let other people steer you. Keep in mind, too, that many of the people nagging or pressuring you simply want you in their club of “marriage.” None of that means, AT ALL, that they're happy there. Their thinking may be that since they “had” to do it, so should you.

Go live out your amazing single life, and when the right lady comes along, you'll make an amazing partner!