A Matchmaker’s List of 6 Common First-Date Mistakes

A first date is the ideal chance to show who you truly are and what your character is like. Spend that time on intentional conversation and on figuring out whether the match suits you.

But caught up in the excitement and anxiety, people sometimes slip up in ways that can turn a first date into the last one.

I’ve watched clients make these errors again and again, and I strongly encourage you to steer clear of them.

1. Talking Far, Far Too Much

Talking over someone isn’t just unattractive; it’s rude, too. It signals that you don’t want a genuine back-and-forth. You’d rather deliver a monologue.

As a professional matchmaker, one of the first date mistakes I see most often is not letting the other person speak. They end up feeling like you have no interest in hearing them out and only care about expressing yourself.

Meeting someone new means making them feel wanted. You also have to make them feel heard, and how can anyone feel heard when you keep talking over them?

On a first date, pay attention to what you say and how long your “talk time” runs. That alone can make or break a match.

2. Giving Out TMI

Oversharing is another frequent first-date misstep. Laying out too many details of your personal life and romantic past can hurt you on a first date. Some people call it floodlighting.

Keep in mind that your date barely knows you. Whatever you tell them, they’ll run with, and they might read it the wrong way.

Let your date learn about you gradually. Then they can properly judge your true character, weighing what you say against how they’ve watched you behave.

There’s no reason to recount your whole life story the first time you meet. More often than not, it’s unappealing and a turn-off.

3. Failing to Ask Questions

Asking questions is a great way to show a date you want to know more about them.

Yet plenty of people make the common first-date error of asking too few questions. A first date exists so you can learn about each other and deepen your bond through the common ground you find. Ask too little, and your date may feel like you just aren’t into them.

Skimping on questions can also leave you in the dark. You have to ask questions to learn whether your lifestyles and views line up. Be strategic about your questions on a date, and gather the details you need to make an informed decision.

4. Judging Too Fast

In my work as a professional matchmaker, I’ve set up thousands of successful dates, and clients have given me plenty of feedback on what did and didn’t work.

What I’ve come to see is that inaccurate judgment ranks among the biggest problems in dating culture.

People too often reach the wrong conclusions on a first date.

One meeting just doesn’t give you enough information to properly assess someone. Even so, singles have fallen into a snap-judgment habit, going as far as calling it “the ick.”

When people judge far too early, they bail before their date gets a chance to show who they are.

5. Hiding Who You Really Are

I can’t stress enough how much it matters to show up as the real, authentic you early in dating. All too often, people cover up who they really are to try to impress the other person.

Holding back your authentic self will eventually come back to bite you. It’s tough to keep up an image that isn’t real.

Frankly, it can wear you out, too. Make sure the version of you that appears in the early stages of dating is the truest one. Aim never to mislead the other person or misrepresent who you are. Be you.

6. Keeping a Closed Mind

People with closed minds often block their own blessings. Try not to be overly rigid on a first date.

Don’t show up with a long list of expectations. It stops the conversation from flowing naturally and can get in the way of the connection, too. It might also put your date off and make you seem a little stiff, which is definitely not attractive.

It All Comes Down to Mindset

My advice is to go into a first date curious and open-minded. You’re interested in this person and eager to learn more. First dates succeed more often when both people bring a positive attitude.

Sidestepping these frequent first-date errors can boost a single’s overall dating success and improve the odds of getting a second date. Keep your mind open whenever you show up, be yourself, and do your best not to judge too fast.