A Couples Retreat Can Rescue a Rocky Relationship and Double as a Trip

The Short Version: Couples therapy isn’t for everyone, but a vacation is something anyone could use. That insight is what set couples therapist Marissa Nelson to work on IntimacyMoons, her transformative retreat program for couples. Marissa helps partners strengthen their communication skills, their sex lives, and their emotional intimacy, and they get to enjoy a wonderful getaway while they’re at it.

“We had the best sex of our life. We went on vacation.” 

Marissa Nelson, a certified sex therapist, sexuality educator, and award-winning relationship expert, kept hearing this refrain from the couples she worked with. In 2016, three years after she opened her private practice, she launched IntimacyMoons, a couples retreat designed to rekindle the spark.

“There were a lot of instances where people were just busy with life and kids and work, and they were utilizing the intervention of vacation to reconnect with one another,” Marissa said.

Marissa figured IntimacyMoons could help other couples too, including those who don’t go to couples therapy regularly. “I thought to myself, well, nobody ever had a problem going on vacation,” she said.

Many of Marissa’s clients are entrepreneurs and business owners looking for help with their relationships. She built IntimacyMoons around an intensive blend of intimacy exercises, skill building, and playful fun, all meant to create meaningful experiences that bring about lasting change.

Couples seek out Marissa’s retreats for her distinctive expertise and deep experience. Being both a therapist and a businesswoman, she understands “the intersection of business, scaling, and leadership, and the effects of things not going well at home.”

She also understands how personal struggles can spill over into work life, and how that ties back to blind spots about unmet needs and the way someone was raised. Couples who sign on with Marissa get a running start through coaching and consultation calls ahead of the retreat, so healing can get going quickly.

What an IntimacyMoons Couples Retreat Looks Like

Every retreat Marissa runs is customized to the needs of the couples taking part. Days are split evenly between relaxing and doing healing work. Because retreats are all-inclusive, a typical day might start with breakfast and then move into partner yoga.

If yoga isn’t your thing, couples can do things they rarely get time for at home, such as swimming, jogging, or taking long beach walks.

Couples also spend time getting to know the other couples. “If it’s a group I’m working with, then we have a group share around what they’re learning, what they’re working on, and what’s coming up for them,” Marissa said.

The retreats IntimacyMoons hosts for couples can change lives.

Being there is the fun part. Getting out the door can be hard, particularly for parents. “Some couples have shared with me that this is the first vacation they’ve ever taken without their kids, so they might feel a little scared, sad, and missing their children. Being in this space can bring up emotions like guilt and shame.”

To work through those tangled feelings, Marissa begins with couples down by the water, attending to whatever comes up for them. She then leads somatic healing exercises, such as breathwork and connection exercises, to help them turn their attention inward.

Marissa shared one of the exercises she gives couples. “I’ll say, ‘Here is your prompt for conversation: Power dynamics in your relationship. Who do you think holds the power? Why? How does that play out sexually, emotionally, financially, and with parenting?” Partners talk it over privately, then return to share with the group.

Other exercises include a ceremony for recommitment and vow renewal, plus a rock-finding mission. The rock stands for a couple’s commitment and the way they make decisions, and when they let the rock go, they practice surrendering and releasing their conflicts.

Three Questions to Ask Before You Book a Retreat

Not sure a couples retreat is the right fit for your significant other and you? Marissa offers some guidance for couples thinking about it.

The first big question she recommends asking yourself: How much do you value your relationship? When picking a retreat, and deciding whether it’s worth the investment at all, Marissa advises couples to look for an accredited professional who does this work for a living. Plenty of people claim the know-how but don’t have the experience or credentials to support it.

Marissa told us, with a touch of humor, “I love a good deal. But when it comes to relationship and intimacy support, know the difference between somebody credentialed and does this work versus a coach or somebody who doesn’t have an accrediting body to answer to. They’re just a coach. There is a distinction and a difference.”

Marissa brings plenty of experience to guiding couples retreats.

This work touches on relationships and trauma and can leave people feeling exposed, so couples need a guide who can hold space, calm conflict down, and has the training to support them when problems come up.

With almost a decade of retreats behind her, Marissa knows how to build both personal and group experiences that feel safe and supportive.

When choosing someone to lead a couples retreat, Marissa advises, “Work with somebody that you feel an emotional connection with, somebody whose methodology and curriculum matches your ethos. When you get to that experience and work with that person, that can change the trajectory of your relationship.”

A key question Marissa asks anyone considering a couples retreat: Do you want to do the work, or do you just want a vacation?

“Sometimes it only takes a weekend to get through the stuff that holds couples back from getting to the relationship they desire,” she said. “When couples decide to put in the work and take the retreat seriously, aside from having fun, that’s when couples get the most out of their experience.”

Whether the issue is infidelity, bringing back the sex life in a 20-year marriage, or growing closer emotionally after a health crisis, “all of that flows through some difficult conversations, some self insights, some leaning in, some vulnerability, and both people putting in the work.”

If you want a retreat and not simply a vacation, you’re prepared to lean in, and the setting will back that effort up.

Marissa Nelson Helps Couples Find Their Romance Again

IntimacyMoons boasts a strong success rate. Marissa’s website says couples leave the retreats with fresh clarity and renewed hope. She never guarantees she’ll save a relationship or a marriage, but she does promise an experience that brings clarity and helps couples make the best choices for their relationship.

“When I first got into couples therapy and became a therapist, I wanted to wear a superhero cape and save everybody,” Marissa said.

“I wanted to save marriages. But if you look at IntimacyMoon’s website, it never says that. My promise is that I’m not gonna save your marriage. The promise is I’m gonna help give you the clarity you need so that you can make the best choices for your relationship.”

IntimacyMoon’s programs help couples reconnect in mind, body, and soul.

Couples arrive with different goals. Some are hoping to stay together, others want to rekindle their love, and some want to co-parent better. The point is working through problems so they feel more at peace and more connected.

“Some of the most heartwarming comments I’ve gotten are ‘you’ve saved our marriage. We were worried and scared. We didn’t know what to expect. We came on this retreat. We’re better than we ever have been. This is the most I’ve smiled in years.’”

What does Marissa hear most often? “For the first time, I feel hopeful. I’m excited about our future.” Even longtime couples say they can finally talk about topics they’ve avoided for years, and they start seeing each other differently.

In the end, Marissa is there to support couples on their path toward connection and truth, to create safe spaces where they can explore their dynamics, and to help them learn how to communicate while she stays alongside them as a supportive presence.