Matchmaking That Helps You Grow, Not Just Find a Partner

The Short Version: Think of matchmaking as a journey. Heather Drury, Director of Coaching at The Matchmaking Company, shared advice for singles who want to get the most out of the introduction process. She discussed mindset, trusting the process, and how to be truly honest when giving feedback after an introduction, and she filled us in on everything The Matchmaking Company offers. Dating has no right or wrong approach; what matters is finding the one that suits you best.

When my last breakup happened, I could tell it'd be some time before I dated again. We'd dated through most of college, lived in the same apartment, and had jobs at the same restaurant, so, needless to say, separating our lives was incredibly hard and painful, and I decided I wouldn't go through that again for a long time.

People heal from breakups in different ways, but I always urge people to spend some time on their own before jumping back into dating. A break from dating gives you room to reflect on past relationships and figure out what you'd like to do differently next time.

When you're ready to date again, you'll see that stepping away from dating is every bit as much a part of the process as the dating itself. Heather Drury, Director of Coaching at The Matchmaking Company, spoke with us about timelines for dating and how to tell whether you're ready to dive back in.

Whether you're getting back into online dating or giving matchmaking a try, you need to be sure you're ready. Heather shared some habits and strategies singles can use to get ready for matchmaking and for returning to the dating scene. She also told us about everything The Matchmaking Company offers.

“Mindset is everything,” Heather said. “People come to us with all sorts of pasts and relationship histories, and oftentimes, they’ve tried dating apps or sites and are having a hard time. You have to let go of the previous negative experiences to get the full benefits of any dating experiences.”

Adopting the Right Mindset for Dating

People hire a matchmaker for lots of reasons, but Heather said the idea of a full-time relationship professional helping with their love lives is what attracted many clients. “When people come to us, they’re really excited that dating no longer has to be a full-time job for them,” she explained.

Sadly, enthusiasm alone isn't enough. “And that’s really relieving for them,” Heather went on. “But if they don’t take that step of letting go, they can make it harder for them to trust us and lean into the journey.”

It's a cliché, but it holds up: dating is a journey. According to Heather, matchmaking works best when a client and matchmaker share a high degree of trust, which lets the single show up as their authentic self at every step.

Singles should bring the best version of themselves to dating.

“We always say this is a journey,” Heather agreed. “And through the journey, you’ve got bumps and twists and turns, but the end result is magical, and, often, the journey to get there is just as magical. Matchmaking isn’t just about the end goal.”

Heather said amazing things happen when singles approach matchmaking focused on growth rather than on results. “There’s a lot to be said about knowing what you want, but we can’t miss out on the opportunity to learn to grow.”

In the end, Heather said, trusting the journey, wherever it leads, is the best way to prepare for matchmaking.

“The faster we can get the client to realize they can just let go, and take a deep breath and ease into this, the faster they will enjoy the process,” Heather said. “And, this way, the success seems to happen more organically because they’re allowing themselves– mentally and physically and emotionally– to ease into this process.”

Matchmaking Is About the Journey, Not the Destination

Finding the dating approach that's right for you can take time and a few poor fits. According to Heather, people become clients of The Matchmaking Company for all kinds of reasons and with all kinds of past experiences, but they share one thing: they want a genuine connection.

“I don’t think there’s anyone necessarily wrong for matchmaking, but there is a mindset that’s wrong for matchmaking,” Heather told us. “I would say the opposite kind of mindset you should have for matchmaking, and our membership specifically, is thinking things should happen a specific way and in a specific time frame.”

Trusting a matchmaker means trusting their expertise and their timing, and it's also important to give every new introduction a fair shot. “This still has to do with mindset, but really meet your introductions,” Heather said. “This ties into releasing those pre-judgments and allowing yourself to really be open and get to know the people we introduce you to.”

Staying positive helps a lot on the matchmaking journey.

Openness and authenticity matter at every stage, from introductions to feedback sessions with matchmakers. When giving feedback, Heather advises clients to be as candid with their matchmakers as they can, since a matchmaker's matches rely entirely on what the client has told them.

“We want our clients to tell us how they really feel because we need to understand them throughout dating,” Heather said. “So feedback is super important. But we also follow the three-date rule.”

The three-date rule works well for every dater, matchmaker or no matchmaker. It calls for singles to see someone three times before deciding how to handle things from there, whether that means another date or a goodbye.

“You can’t just meet this person once,” Heather said. “People are usually nervous on first dates, so it’s always good to see them again and try out. And while we look for new matches and introductions, it’s nice to go on dates with a person you’ve already met. It’s a lot less stressful.”

Meet Your Match With The Matchmaking Company

The Matchmaking Company is waiting for you once you're ready to give matchmaking a try. Founded by Master Certified Matchmaker Charlee Brotherton, the service has been introducing singles nationwide for more than 20 years.

Men and women of every age and background work with The Matchmaking Company. Its focus is on building committed, long-term partnerships with the help of its seasoned team of matchmakers and coaches. Clients get personal, one-on-one guidance while meeting new introductions and learning more about themselves.

A matchmaker's role often extends past finding great matches or lending a sympathetic ear. “Good people often don’t stand on a soapbox and say look at me and all of my beautiful qualities,” Heather said. “They mute themselves. So another beautiful thing about a membership with us is that we see those things and can point them out for you.”

The Matchmaking Company pairs singles with compatible lifelong partners.

According to Heather, The Matchmaking Company's team balances positive and critical feedback, since the process wouldn't work without both. “We have a whole team of coaches who have the full-time job of providing this feedback,” she said. “And we have two different departments that are trained to do two different things – coaches and matchmakers.”

By pairing coaching with matchmaking, The Matchmaking Company gives single men and women a dating experience with real support. Plenty of singles start matchmaking knowing exactly what they want, but Heather said it's absolutely fine if they're still unsure.

“Anybody who is serious about this and wants to get started, we can help you,” she said. “Whether it’s coaching or matchmaking, we have the extra support some daters need.”