Online Dating Explained: Looking for Love on the Internet

By now, the dating zeitgeist has obviously shifted. You can’t step into a coffee shop or do a little people-watching on the subway without catching some single person swiping away on Match, Tinder, eharmony, Grindr, or some other popular app.

Online dating is the widespread practice of searching for a romantic partner via a dedicated website or app.

Is anyone actually surprised? Apps like these are quick and handy, and they reach further than our parents and grandparents ever imagined possible. Back then, people had to meet through things like newspaper ads. Dates got found in the same pages as plumbers. It was weird.

Even so, the whole online dating thing can easily feel overwhelming, particularly if you’re new to it. Not to worry, though: I’ve got you covered. Below are all the online dating basics, from how it began to where it’s going.

How Dating Sites and Apps Work

No two dating sites or apps are exactly alike (otherwise, why would we need more than one?), but most rest on similar ideas. Here are the main components:

Dating Profile

Your dating profile is a bit like a social media profile. It tells others who you are, and it packs a lot of detail into a first impression.

At minimum, you’ll need to supply some personal details (name, birth date, location), current photos of yourself (the more recent, the better), and a short bio.

Facebook Dating uses a standard profile layout with photos front and center.

Online daters have to give the algorithm key information so it can find compatible matches. Honesty pays off here: The more truthful your answers, the stronger your matches. You’ll probably be asked about your sexuality, your interests, your lifestyle habits, and your relationship goals (casual, long-term, unsure, and so on).

Matching Algorithms

And about those algorithms: what are they, anyway? In digital dating, algorithms are AI-powered mathematical formulas or sets of instructions built to analyze user data (think interests, lifestyle, dating goals, and where you live) and predict romantic attraction.

Put simply: Algorithms serve up compatible matches, and they’re what makes online dating apps run.

Messaging & Other Forms of Communication

After you match, it’s time to start flirting. Every dating app has some kind of messaging feature (sometimes free, sometimes paid) so you and a potential date can talk privately.

WooPlus, a dating app, uses timed chat windows to spark quick connections.

Here’s where you get to test compatibility via video, audio, or text messages and, if things click, begin planning a first date.

What’s Good About Online Dating

People can criticize online dating all they like (my friends who found their boyfriends in college certainly do), but there’s a reason these handy-dandy digital tools caught on.

Accessibility & Convenience

Meeting people in real life takes work. You have to sign up for running clubs, approach strangers while working out, or (gasp) put real effort into your work outfits. With dating apps, though, all you need is a phone or computer plus a few swipes.

Tinder says it has made more than 97 billion matches since 2012.

From the comfort of your couch, you can swipe through hundreds and hundreds of local singles, wearing your favorite spaghetti-sauce-stained sweats with “Love Island UK” streaming in the background. Honestly? That’s my idea of a fun night!

Expanded Pool of Potential Partners

Sure, the internet might be dulling our social skills, messing with our circadian rhythms through blue light, and making zombies of us all, yet it’s also pulling off something impressive: shrinking the world considerably.

That’s especially appealing for young people who’ve finished school, adults moving somewhere new, and singles who are shy and reserved.

Dating sites and apps can open doors to dates and social opportunities these people probably wouldn’t have had otherwise.

Compatibility Assessments

If America’s 50% divorce rate teaches us anything, it’s that humans aren’t great at picking partners. Fortunately, dating apps offer plenty of ways to take the guesswork out of looking for love.

Psychologists and relationship experts designed the eharmony algorithm, which weighs deep compatibility factors such as communication styles and family values to pair singles who have real long-term potential.

eharmony’s questionnaire pinpoints core values and personality traits.

Most dating platforms build their algorithms to match people on different aspects of compatibility, like lifestyle habits or dating goals. That’s why it matters so much to be as thorough as possible when you fill out your profile.

The Drawbacks of Online Dating

Online dating can be convenient and exciting, but it’s far from easy. (Otherwise, everyone would be boo’d up already, and there’d be a lot less for my girls-only group chat to talk about.)

Let’s dig into a few of the most common hurdles you’ll hit on the digital dating path.

Misrepresentation: Catfishing and Scams

Let’s be honest: Lying online is way too easy. From catfish faking their identities to scammers tricking people into handing over personal information, shady characters lurk all over the internet.

Before you tell yourself, “I’d never let that happen to me,” consider this statistic: Every year, 20,000 people in the U.S. alone are victims of catfishing. Sadly, in 2022, Americans lost a combined $158 million to romance scams.

Dating profiles with bad English and no social media presence should raise red flags.

You’d be amazed at how fast you drop your guard when you meet a cutie who shares your “House of the Dragon” obsession. Scammers who work the romance angle know exactly how to spot someone’s soft spot and charm their way into that person’s trust.

Overwhelming Choices & Superficiality

Giving people access to so many singles has produced a distinctive problem for regular users of dating platforms, one social scientists call The Paradox of Choice.

The idea is that more options actually make people more likely to feel dissatisfied after they choose. Picture being handed a huge menu at a restaurant. More often than not, diners feel overwhelmed by all the items and worry they’ll pick wrong.

Also, since dating app profiles revolve around photos of potential matches, I’d argue these digital spaces push us to fixate on looks instead of the compatibility factors that matter more, like family plans, dating goals, and personality traits.

Safety and Privacy Issues

One of online dating’s many catches is that sharing personal information with a match you’ve never met is risky, yet it’s sometimes a necessary part of dating.

Keep your home address and contact details off your dating profile.

Now, nobody needs your credit card PIN and Social Security Number to fall in love with you. Still, you might need to give someone your address if they’re coming to get you for a date (hopefully the second or third), or share your last name so they can book the two of you into a Sur La Table cooking class. That’s the risk you take as you head down the road toward partnership.

Still, you can always take precautions to protect yourself better along the way, such as meeting somewhere public for a first date and never getting in a stranger’s car.

Racial Bias & Discrimination

Online dating can sometimes seem like a whole other world, but it’s really just our existing world, only bigger. So there’s no doubt that the racial bias and discrimination you might face or witness in daily life show up on the apps we rely on for connection and community.

Many apps, for example, let users pick ethnicity preferences while creating a profile. That filter favors users of certain ethnicities and makes the swiping experience fairly homogeneous.

Queer singles run into discrimination far more directly, since many big-name apps won’t let non-binary people present themselves that way in their profiles. Fortunately, more queer-friendly spaces are arriving on the scene every year.

The Social Impact

We’re shaped by our music, by the shows we binge (like “House of the Dragon”), and by the TikToks we scroll (…mostly about “House of the Dragon”). The apps on our phones shape us too, and dating platforms are no exception.

Changing Norms (For Better And Worse)

Thanks to how convenient these finger-friendly digital gadgets are, couples across the globe have met, fallen in love, and built beautiful long-term partnerships.

As using these platforms has become more and more socially acceptable, people have also started warming up to other ways of dating, such as bedroom roleplay, one-night stands, and casual sex with an FWB. Each of these can be a real plus for sexual exploration.

OkCupid, which is free, offers tons of ways to personalize your experience.

Oddly, these same upsides could also count as downsides. As mentioned earlier, how accessible and far-reaching online dating apps are can make choosing a partner confusing and uncertain. Using the apps for a long time may even breed a “grass is always greener” mindset.

On top of that, normalizing casual sex has raised more people’s risk of contracting STIs, along with heartbreak and mental health struggles.

Impact on Self-Esteem

When a swiping session (or several) goes badly, you can easily start treating it as a personal failure. You might start doubting whether you’re good enough as a partner and comparing yourself with people around you who’ve gotten more “Super Likes” or matches than you.

I could tell you, “No biggie, there are plenty more fish in the sea,” but when all’s said and done, rejection sucks. Still, as a user, it’s your job to look after your mental health as you search, or to conclude the apps simply aren’t your thing. Neither answer is wrong.

Relationship Statistics

Go ahead and be a hater, but the numbers tell the truth: Dating apps work.

A 2023 Forbes survey of 5,000 people found that “70% of individuals who met someone on a dating app said it led to a romantic, exclusive relationship.” Another study found that, whether or not dating apps led to marriage, 40% of respondents say the apps have made it easier to meet new potential partners.

One especially interesting stat gives online dating partial credit for the U.S. becoming more accepting of interracial marriage. An Oxford Academic study found that couples who met online are more likely to “be interracial and interethnic than those who first meet offline.”

This cultural shift has arguably contributed to the nearly 300% rise in interracial marriages since 1995.

Success Stories From Real Couples

Exactly two people I know met their significant other through an app… OK, fine, that’s not many, but relax: The success stories reach far past my own friends. Couples by the thousands, worldwide, have met their match online, and here are a few of their stories:

“I saw him on my Most Compatible page on Hinge and made the first move. It was my ‘one more for the road’ because I was fatigued with the apps and had so many lackluster or bad dates. We talked for three hours over dinner. A year later and we’re going strong. We are even talking about moving in together!”

—u/oldmanpuzzles

“I met him on Tinder. I went on a dinner date, and there were sparks. We just celebrated two years of the happiest, healthiest relationship of my life. Not sure what’s in the cards for the future except more happy times. Excited to see where this goes and just enjoy the ride.”

—u/Affectionate_Law1287

“We met on OkCupid in college, I moved to his city for grad school. We have been married for almost five years now, and while I don’t know if soulmates are a thing — if they are, then he is 100% mine.”

—u/kate180311

If you’re still wondering whether online dating truly works, here are more real-life online love stories to awww over.

What’s Next for Online Dating

Online dating is changing, and fast. Here are some trends to watch for in the months and years ahead.

Technological Advancements

Dating platforms both new and established are developing a range of AI-based innovations, many of them meant to spruce up profiles with stronger bios and better prompt answers, choose your best photos (and generate new ones with AI), come up with pick-up lines, and even do the flirting for you.

On top of that, a few up-and-coming platforms are moving away from superficial selection and embracing the idea of “voice dating.”

TalkNow relies on voice technology to make online dating better.

Take TalkNow: Users have to record an audio intro for their profile and pick up to three photos. The idea behind this tweak is to spark chemistry through personality and banter instead of appearance.

More Consideration of Quality in Swiping

Hours of swiping, sending “likes,” and slogging through dead-end chats are fueling what social scientists call “dating app burnout.” To fight that exhaustion and frustration, younger daters, namely Gen Zers and Millennials, are turning to new dating platforms that put the quality of “swipes” ahead of their quantity.

IRL Meetups Becoming Part of the Process

Plenty of singles are so tired of today’s online dating scene that they’re thinking about quitting digital romance entirely. Yes, really: Online dating’s future is offline dating. Didn’t see that coming, did you?

Meeting face-to-face can reveal far more than any online chat.

Now that more young singles prefer in-person connections, plenty of mainstream platforms want to fold real-life meetups into how people look for love online.

Bumble, for instance, recently rolled out Bumble IRL, a lineup of face-to-face dating events where singles can bond over activities like a night out at TopGolf, community service projects, or spin classes.

Online Dating Has Transformed How We Connect

Like so many breakthroughs of the tech era, online dating has made an unmistakable impact (think meteor crater) on today’s social landscape.

For a large share of people, mutual matches, text prompts, and nightly swiping sessions have taken the place of office romances, public meet-cutes, and blind dates. However public opinion about these changes may rise and fall, apps like Tinder almost certainly won’t get ghosted anytime soon.

With cutting-edge AI developments and a move toward genuine matchmaking, I’d like to think these platforms will take on a healthier, more successful place in our lives as the ways we look for human connection keep evolving.

Sure, online dating isn’t perfect, and it doesn’t work for everybody, but trying it is the only way to learn whether it’ll work for you. Good luck!