This Therapist Does Couples Counseling Over a Weekend Getaway

*The Short Version: Every couple runs into hurdles in their relationship, so why not tackle them on a weekend getaway? At The Relationship Place, Dr. Dana McNeil offers Therapy Getaway Intensives. Once you're away from home, the two of you can work through your problems and pick up valuable [conflict resolution](/spotlight/what-is-conflict-resolution) tools from Dana.*

Back when she worked as an insurance claims adjuster, Dr. Dana McNeil helped people get past all kinds of obstacles. She watched whole towns go through life-altering tragedies caused by natural disasters such as devastating tornadoes and hurricanes. She poured that urge to help into her next career, becoming a psychologist and a licensed marriage and family therapist.

Dr. Dana McNeil guides couples through their obstacles in therapy sessions or on intensive retreats.

As a therapist, Dana's chief aim boils down to a single question: “How do we all navigate and validate each other’s needs, but then also find a way to compromise?” At The Relationship Place, her practice, the whole “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” idea doesn't fly. Her goal is to get clients “on the same page,” she said, since that's the surest route to clarity and resolution.

Her advice for couples searching for a therapist is to pick someone who “actually understands how to help you make changes in couples, not individuals.”

Because she works with an elite clientele, Dana uses directive, evidence-based methods. She doesn't beat around the bush: clients want answers and solid advice, and Dana aims to deliver them fast and efficiently.

Couples Retreats, the Intensive Way

Through Therapy Getaway Intensives, The Relationship Place gives couples a retreat where they can work through relationship issues over a single weekend. The name “intensives” fits, Dana says, because, well, they're intense.

“Some of the clients I work with … are high profile, short on time, and results driven,” Dana said. In only three days, a Therapy Getaway Intensive delivers a serious therapeutic punch.

When a couple's life is crammed with parenting, career demands, and endless grown-up responsibilities, setting aside a weekend just for the two of them is a powerful display of love and commitment. It's a gesture that sends a clear message: “I’m willing to put everything else aside to focus on our relationship.”

Intensives at The Relationship Place give couples lots of time to work through their issues.

As Dana told us, “[Couples are] coming in with the intention of really rolling up their sleeves and working on the problems that have probably been in their relationships for years or decades.” 

Traditional therapy may be split into sessions of 90 minutes or less (“How is your day going? What do you want to talk about today?”), and that can get in the way of progress. “Sometimes, in traditional therapy, I can’t get any work in because we’re dysregulated for an hour,” Dana said. By “dysregulated,” Dana is referring to anxiety, mood swings, or outbursts in the client that get in the way of therapy.
With an intensive, she can dig much deeper into your relationship.

“If I have a whole day with you … I can help you individually regulate and then come back together and figure out what your needs are,” she said. This way, “We can get so much more traction.”

You'll get time to dig into your relationship alongside your therapist, and time alone with your partner, too. “So it’s also like a vacation for you, because at nighttime, after you’ve been working on your relationships, you can go on a date,” Dana said. Book a date night after therapy and talk it all over with cocktails.

Life gets hectic, but that's no reason for you and your partner to ignore your feelings.

Even more important, use this time to support each other emotionally. That matters all the more given how often we brush our feelings aside over the course of a day.

How often have I felt sad, frustrated, or anxious about something and just shoved the feeling away because there wasn't time to unpack it? Pushing those feelings aside doesn't make them disappear; they simply get buried under every other emotion you've stuffed down before. Dana can help couples ease that burden.

“You get to go through all the emotions, learn tools, and take a stab at something that has been a problem for a while,” she explained. 

Tailored Therapies for Different Couples

Therapy Getaway Intensives are especially useful for couples in crisis.

“High-conflict couples need a lot of support about how to take any steps forward,” Dana said. Ignoring a crisis won't fix it, and it will likely make things worse over time. Spending an intense weekend facing your problems directly, with a licensed therapist guiding you, is a more direct route to resolution.

Dana works with couples of every age, from newlyweds to those 50 and older.

And if resolution isn't possible, the weekend can still help rebuild trust or at least lay its foundation. After one of Dana's intensives, you and your partner will have a fuller therapeutic vocabulary. “Do you know the difference between boundaries and agreements? What’s OK and what’s not okay?” she asked. Well, reader, do you?

Any couple willing to do the work can benefit from intensives and the other counseling services offered at The Relationship Place (“We cater the intensive to who you are as a couple”), but Dana pointed to a few specific kinds of services.

Counseling for couples over 50 is among the more popular services. “The highest population of people who are getting divorced right now are those clients over 50 years old … there are much higher stakes when you’re over 50,” Dana said.

“High-conflict couples need a lot of support about how to take any steps forward.”

Between retirement, finances, real estate, and health concerns, marriage problems that surface after decades together can be tough to get past, especially when kids are involved. “When you’ve lived a whole life together, untangling it makes the stakes so much higher.”

Spending time together on an intensive with Dana can untangle those problems for good, however specific they are.

Intensives are also available for couples who've drifted apart. Perhaps you work well as a team, but where did the spark go? Dana helps couples like these determine whether they're still compatible. One question she guides clients through is, “Is there enough there to work on?”

Couples come away from intensives equipped to handle conflict more productively.

Whether it's an intensive retreat or regular counseling, couples need to invest the time and effort it takes to improve their relationship. According to Dana, one key question couples should ask themselves is, “Have I done everything I can do to make this relationship better?”

Naturally, the intensives aren't miracle cures. “We’re not going to resolve [everything] in a weekend,” Dana said. Instead, you walk away with the language, knowledge, and tools to approach your relationship from a new angle. “I give [couples] a pamphlet with all of the interventions that we worked on with some instructions,” she said.

With Dana guiding you, you'll never be left in the dark.

Dana's Tips for Couples in Therapy

Dana says a single phrase could separate a frustrated couple from a satisfied one: “It makes sense why you got mad.”

In a serious relationship, validation does a lot to help each partner feel heard and acknowledged. Make the effort to step into your partner's shoes and see things from their perspective. The point is to acknowledge how they feel, which isn't the same as agreeing.

“It doesn’t mean I agree with my partner if I validate them,” Dana noted. “It is not going to give you any traction if you sit and say, ‘Convince me.’” Since I can be defensive and stubborn, this advice hit home for me.

The intensives are not fun getaways; they're therapy sessions, and they need trust, empathy, and communication to work.

Recognizing someone's feelings doesn't make them right or wrong. Feelings aren't facts, but they can change relationships forever.

The same is true of how much effort the two of you put into therapy. If either of you isn't fully committed to making the relationship better, why bother with therapy? “I don’t think we all come in prepared to work,” Dana said. “It’s not Disneyland, it’s not fun times,” she added.

Dana told us that tough, complicated emotions are normal when you're bringing relationship problems into the open. “Some days you’re going to love your partner, and other days you’re not going to love your partner,” she said. “But if you made a commitment, then you have to follow through on your commitment.”

“When you have the tools, you have to dig deep, and you have to find the ability to do hard things.”

Some couples, of course, conclude that breaking up is the right call. In general, though, Dana warned against throwing in the towel too quickly. Nobody wants to glance back at a relationship and wonder, “Could this have worked out if I’d tried harder?”

“When you have the tools, you have to dig deep, and you have to find the ability to do hard things,” she said. You are, as Dana put it, dealing “with someone’s heart,” after all. After intensives, weekly couples therapy, or both, you and your partner should have every reason to trust one another with your hearts.