4 Things His Dating Profile Tells You About Him

Online dating has changed the game

Singles gain a lot, in many ways no one can dispute. They can reach more compatible people than ever, for instance, and their dating profile lets them spell out exactly what they’re looking for right from the start.

Still, after pouring so much time into their own profile, some singles give a potential match’s profile a mere five seconds. That means passing up a chance to learn something valuable about a possible love interest’s personality. Reading every word and really studying every photo can tell you a lot. Below are four common things you can pick up about a potential match by studying their dating profile.

1. What His Lifestyle Looks Like

When I was single, one thing I liked about online dating was coming across a guy who’d clearly put thought into the mix of photos in his profile. Or who’d perhaps hired a pro photographer to get some good shots.

Say he has lots of photos with his dog. You know right away he loves animals and that this pet matters a lot to him. If a relationship with him takes off, it’s up to you to decide whether sharing that responsibility is worth it. Animal lovers probably won’t mind. If you’re not one, you have some thinking to do.

If every photo is a mirror selfie flaunting his physique, you learn nothing about his personality or daily life. He may be easy on the eyes, sure, but what’s he like as a person? What does he value and believe, and will that match what you value and believe? It may point to someone a bit vain and superficial.

Do the photos suggest he’s the outdoorsy type? Do they suggest he’s shy?

If most of his pictures show him traveling to different countries, he may seem to have time and money to burn. An adventurous spirit appeals to me, but my lifestyle makes travel a treat, not something I’d do nearly every weekend.

These examples may come across as mild judgments, but at this point, a profile’s content, photos included, is all you have for sizing up someone’s personality. Ideally, someone you might date will appreciate, or at least respect, your interests and hobbies, and vice versa. I think most singles feel that way to a degree.

Think back to the conversations from first dates that didn’t work out and put them to use. Note key lifestyle points in someone’s dating profile, and weigh them against what makes you happy, comfortable, or interested.

2. How He’ll Come Across on a Date

Back when I was single and dating online, I always paid attention to what a potential match wore in his profile photos. It hinted at his style, and his style hinted at who he is.

My sense is that most single gay men want a guy who looks as good in a T-shirt and jeans as he does dressed up. Seeing someone wearing luxurious suits at one prestigious event after another in every profile photo can be a little intimidating. By the same token, photos of an unshaven guy in a computer chair who seems to have skipped a shower may not tell the whole story.

So a range of profile photos showing a potential match in various activities and styles paints a fuller picture of who they are. If his style has balance, his real life probably does too.

3. Good Grammar and Punctuation Show He Wants to Make a Good First Impression

I get that plenty of people don’t bother with proper grammar and punctuation, but it matters in online dating. Being casual has its time and place, but a dating profile isn’t it.

As you read someone’s profile, try picturing how he’d deliver it if he were saying it to your face. You can often pick up on his tone, which will tell you something about how he lives.

Unfinished profiles full of grammar errors are a turnoff.

It’s a little worrying when a grown man shortens words like a high schooler (i.e. tbh, thx, or idk). If you’re past your teens and want a more serious relationship, constant abbreviations won’t help you connect with someone in a positive way. You’ll do better writing concisely but clearly, in a conversational tone and plain English that reflect your character.

4. A Nearly Empty Profile Means He’s Not Serious About Online Dating

In my work as a professional matchmaker, I have clients describe themselves in writing on their intake profile before I accept them, and again once I’ve arranged dates for them. It’s good to know how people see themselves.

Whenever someone writes “I’ll fill this out later” or “We can speak about this more in person,” I see a red flag. Spot those sentences in a dating profile, and you should react the same way.

People like that will waste your time, however attractive or eligible they, or you, think they are. How someone describes their upbringing, the career they have or hope for, and what past relationships taught them shows whether they’re ready to treat dating, and your time, seriously.

During my more actively single days, my online dating profile included a bulleted list of my five biggest dealbreakers. I remember getting lots of messages that said “This was the best profile I’ve read in a while.” Writing skills aside, I felt that plenty of gay men came away from my profile with a clear sense of who I was, what I wanted from them, and which things I’d compromise on and which I wouldn’t.

I can say online dating was nearly always fun for me, because I’d set a written precedent for what my potential date and I could expect from meeting. Do the same yourself, and look for someone who does too.

It May Sound Unromantic, but Online Dating Takes Plenty of Tact and Strategy

Over my many years as a matchmaker, I’ve kept extensive notes on how clients say they feel about online dating. My estimate is that roughly half really enjoy it, while the rest aren’t so keen.

For those who don’t love online dating, I’d argue they may not be tactful enough. Studying someone’s profile and messages and reading between the lines takes time, and you must be prepared to spend it. The same goes for doing some research and acting with purpose.

My view is that most gay men who are fed up with online dating haven’t taken their own profiles, or other people’s, seriously enough.

Overall, I think online dating is an excellent tool that can lead to more dating wins than losses. Just put in the homework and due diligence, and that work ethic will bring you to someone surprisingly special.