4 Signs a Lesbian Woman Is Into You

However old we are and however much dating experience we have, whether we came out 20 years ago or two months ago, figuring out if another woman likes us somehow never gets any easier.

Is she simply being friendly? Is she looking for a friendship? It may not feel like it, but you can actually tell. Here’s how lesbians behave when they’re into you:

1. She Raises Queer Topics When You Talk

When a lesbian or queer woman has feelings for another woman, there’s often an extra hurdle that straight people never have to think about: figuring out whether the other woman is queer too, and so whether she’s even a possible romantic match.

That’s why a lesbian or queer woman with her eye on you might deliberately steer conversations toward queerness or sexual orientation early on.

She may not come right out and ask whether you’re gay (though, given the right setting and cultural context, she might!). What she may do instead is test some subtler context clues and watch whether you respond in ways she recognizes.

She might bring up pieces of her own queer life, such as past relationships, her coming-out story, gay social groups or organizations she belongs to, or her Pride plans, and how you respond (or don’t) can help her judge whether you’re gay as well.

She may also start conversations about gay or queer topics with questions like these:

• Are you watching The Ultimatum: Queer Love? Did you catch the newest episode?
• Will you be at the Chappell Roan concert next month?
• Did you catch what Lena Waithe said when she was on this podcast?
• What was your take on “Portrait of a Lady on Fire”?

She might suggest plans or ideas rooted squarely in LGBTQ+ culture, like asking you along on a group trip to a drag show or inviting you into her queer pickleball pickup league.

That kind of invite means something on a few levels. Whether you’re comfortable saying yes to an openly queer event may tell her whether you’re into women as well.

She may also be handing you a chance to reveal your sexual orientation. Asked to join an all-gay sports team, for example, even a gung-ho straight LGBTQ+ ally would probably answer with something like “I’d love to, but it’s not for me!”

On top of that, she’s asking you to hang out and learn more about her, possibly one-on-one, which makes it even more likely that she’s interested.

2. She Flirts, Quietly or Openly

Granted, someone could do everything above just because she wants to expand her circle of gay, lesbian, or queer friends. So how can you tell that her interest in you is romantic or sexual in particular?

The simplest way to find out is to learn the body language of flirting. Ask yourself whether she’s actively flirting with you.

Flirting takes many forms depending on the person, and, admittedly, not everybody is skilled at it!

You’ve heard this one before: a lesbian tries her hardest to flirt with a woman she likes, and the other woman spends months (or even years) assuming she’s just being friendly.

Still, a handful of signs can tip you off that someone might truly be flirting with you.

A woman who’s flirting may shower you with frequent compliments about your cooking, your outfit, your taste in movies, or your sense of humor. That goes double if the praise is about your body or physical features instead of your clothes or style choices.

Lines like “Your hair looks great” or “you smell so good!” are, more often than not, a form of flirting.

Physical contact is another giveaway. If she goes out of her way to touch you, whether that means greeting and parting with hugs, a hand on your arm as she laughs, or stroking your hair while complimenting it, there’s a very good chance she’s flirting.

She might ask directly about your love life and whether you’re available, probing about “your type” or wondering oh-so-casually whether you’re seeing anyone.

3. They Want to Be Around You

When a woman makes it obvious she’s gay, flirts with you, and sets up one-on-one social plans, odds are she doesn’t just like you; she’s trying to ask you out.

One more gentle reminder: plenty of us are hoping to make lesbian and queer friends, which means not every person who makes social plans with you has a crush (you’ve got lots of wonderful qualities that would make you a great friend too!).

Say a lesbian or queer person you’ve just met keeps inviting you to group events, such as a book club, a kickball league, a tenant organizing meeting, a potluck, or an LGBTQ+ running club. She might simply be very friendly and searching for community.

She could just be trying to welcome a new queer woman into her social circle.

But if those come paired with invites to do something one-on-one, like drinks, coffee, dinner, a movie at her place, or a hike with just you two, this is probably someone who’s genuinely into you.

You may even be dating already (or, at the very least, she wants these hangouts to count as dates).

4. She Keeps the Texts Coming

Also notice how often you’re in touch. Even if you don’t see each other one-on-one constantly, daily texts or Instagram DMs with her are a very revealing sign.

Everyone’s busy, and staying in contact with even our best friends can be hard. So if someone is messaging you often or nonstop, texting every morning or night, there’s a good chance she likes you.

Unsure? Just Ask!

Straight people, too, can have a very hard time telling if a fresh connection is a budding friendship or a growing romance. Lesbians and queer women may find it close to impossible.

Working out whether someone is flirting or just being friendly can be baffling. You might lose hours puzzling over what exactly she meant by inviting you to the conservatory or on the herbal walking tour. When that happens, the simplest way to crack the mystery is to talk about it directly.

Talking with someone about what your relationship actually is can be scary, and I know asking point-blank, “Do you have a crush on me?” isn’t easy. You definitely don’t need to phrase it exactly like that!

But you can talk with her about what your connection is and whether she’s hoping it becomes something more.

This is especially true if you’re spending time together in person or setting up future plans. Nothing stops you from asking, “Just checking, are you seeing this as a friend hangout or more like a date?” The clarity you get is worth the nerves it takes to ask!