1 in 2 Americans Has a Sexual Fetish, Survey Finds

Confession: a TikTok rabbit hole swallowed me whole and dropped me in a steamy corner of the internet called Spicy BookTok. One minute I was cheerfully swiping through reviews of “Fourth Wing,” and the next I’d collected enough explicit book recs to max out my library card.

Spicy BookTok began as a small community of book lovers hunting for a naughty read. Its popularity, though, got me wondering: Just how widespread are sexual kinks, and how can we make talking about sexual fantasies feel normal?

I believe it’s worth figuring out how to talk frankly about sexual fantasies and fetishes, and I’ve penned plenty of advice pieces on kinks, toys, and after-dark pleasures. As far as I’m concerned, sex talk shouldn’t be off-limits. Our newest study of 500 Americans backs that up, showing kinks are far more common than some prudish relatives would have us think.

Sexual Desires: 50% of Respondents Say They Have One

If you’ve spent any time swiping through dating apps and noticed how blatantly raunchy, and sometimes flat-out thirsty, plenty of singles can be, the recent flood of steamy books on BookTok won’t surprise you in the least. Kinks seem far more widespread when people have an anonymous dating profile to hide behind. So we set out to find out what’s going on by collecting some anonymous survey responses.

According to our survey, almost 50% of the people who answered (men, women, and everyone else) have an erotic kink, fetish, or fantasy of some kind. The interests they named, including role-playing, swinging, and BDSM, line up closely with the themes Spicy BookTok talks about most.

“It’s completely normal to have sexual fantasies. For most people, an orgasm begins with a movie in our minds. Sometimes, if it is emotionally safe to do so, sharing sexual fantasies can even strengthen a relationship by enhancing intimacy,” relationship expert Kenji Takahashi told us.

Plenty of people have kinks that extend well past the fantasy aisle at the bookstore. Kinksters’ unconventional sex lives can bring them more sexual satisfaction than their vanilla peers get. So yes, you read that right: kinky sex really is the better kind!

“When kinks and fetishes are safe, sane, and consensual, people can feel empowered to have open, honest dialogue with their partners,” Takahashi said. “Embracing and discussing these desires openly can increase closeness and build mutual trust.” 

The Taboo Topic: Many Still Hesitate to Share Their Sexual Desires

Figuring out when to tell a significant other about a kinky desire can be tricky. It’s not an ideal subject for most first dates, yet holding off for years isn’t always realistic, particularly if you can’t wait to try a kink with a partner.

More than 44% of our respondents have told their partners about their fantasies or kinks, and 61% say their significant other has opened up about sexual desires to them. That’s encouraging, since honest talk about sex can make relationships stronger.

“It’s completely normal to have sexual fantasies.” — Kenji Takahashi, relationship expert

Still, the numbers show there’s work left to do on sexual openness. Even as sexual fantasies and fetishes become less stigmatized, over 47% of respondents said they have never told a single person about their sexual desires, not once, not ever.

“It’s important to note that research from the Kinsey Institute shows that while sexual fantasies can be very edgy, many people have no desire to act them out in real life, and sharing a fantasy need not be a suggestion for action,” added Takahashi. 

Old stigmas around erotic fantasies still hang on for lots of people. Spicy BookTok and similar platforms can help tear down some of the barriers, but many singles, daters, and partners still fear being judged or rejected if they reveal their particular sexual desires.

Of the people who plan to share their fantasies with a partner, almost 40% said they’ll do it within their first year together. That talk doesn’t have to be frightening or awkward, and it needn’t be formal either. Sure, you could go full “Fifty Shades of Grey” and draft a contract – or you could just tell your partner, “There’s something I want to try if you’re open to it.”

Having these talks early in a relationship matters, because it lets you confirm you’re sexually compatible and on the same page about what each of you wants. Talking about consent and sexual desires from the start can help couples communicate better and lay a solid foundation for a relationship that satisfies them both emotionally and sexually.

Want Better Sex? Talk About It

A relationship’s first year tends to bring plenty of hard talks, milestones, and obstacles that take real effort to get past. When partners aren’t aligned, sex can become a big problem.

The results show that people want different things in bed, which points to the need for more conversations about sexual preferences that come without judgment. Our research suggests more people are embracing sexual diversity. We should keep that momentum going and create spaces (on BookTok and elsewhere) where people can comfortably be authentic, vulnerable, and sexually free.

In the past ten years or so, I’ve seen far more nuanced sex talk online, in pop culture, and in everyday life. Discussions about sexual liberation, and about the orgasm gap too, matter enormously in dating today, and everyone deserves a say, even if you’ve kept your kinks to yourself until now.

Spicy BookTok is a key player in the kink revolution, pushing back on outdated views and inviting honest talk about intimate desires. Each video, comment, and hashtag makes sexual topics feel more normal and nudges adults to voice their secret bedroom fantasies without worrying about being judged.

I hope this study helps the sex-positive momentum continue. My advice: be open with your partner, friends, and family. Let’s have more grown-up talks about sex, which will help us finally get rid of the taboos and stigmas that have kept people quiet for far too long.

Fly your kink flag, I say. This study proves that lots of kinksters are hiding in the shadows (or scrolling online), hoping their fantasies will see the light of day. Whatever your kink, friend, you’re not alone, I promise.

Methodology

We surveyed 500 people in August 2024 about how common their kinks, fetishes, and fantasies are and how accepted they feel. Respondents were between 18 and 65+ years old, with the average falling in the 36 to 45 range. Of the participants, 56% were women, 43% were men, and 0.12% preferred not to say. In addition, 99.63% of respondents were located in the United States.