Starting an Online Conversation With a Lesbian Woman
Meeting lesbians online can feel scary and intimidating, but it can be exciting and fun, too. A confident attitude and the right approach will get things off to a good start.
Below are my tips for striking up conversations with lesbians online without coming off as a stalker or making anyone feel threatened. They're for you if you've only recently come out and hope to connect with fellow lesbians on the internet, or perhaps face to face. Everything begins with a woman-to-woman conversation, and from there, who knows where things might lead?
Try Connecting Online
The most obvious place to begin chatting with single lesbians near you is on dating sites and apps. A general dating network such as Match can work for lesbian daters, particularly those after a serious relationship, and getting started costs nothing.
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| User Base | Gender Ratio | Popularity (Visits/Mo.) | Today’s Deal |
|---|---|---|---|
| All Singles | 49%51% | 14.6 Million | Try Match FREE |
Our ★ 4.9/5.0
User BaseGender RatioPopularity (Visits/Mo.)Today’s Deal
All Singles
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User Base All Singles Gender Ratio
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Naturally, a woman who has just come out as a lesbian might not be ready to plunge straight into the online dating waters, which is why we also suggest some more casual chat options.
Quora is a Great Starting Place
For those just beginning to explore, Quora is a good starting point. On this question-and-answer platform, you can pose questions, share your views, or get advice. Quora's user base leans LGBTQ+. Curious about something to do with being a lesbian? The site can put you in touch with fellow lesbians or help you learn more.
Reddit Communities Can Help Too
Reddit is another good spot for starting conversations. On this social news site, users share content and comment on each other's posts. It has dedicated communities built around sexual orientation, and they may be worth joining if the conversation goes well.
Or Try Tumblr Experience Shares
You might also think about opening a Tumblr account, since lots of people there post about their lives as LGBTQ+ people. For years, the platform has drawn many people who identify as lesbian, gay, transgender, bisexual, queer, and questioning, which makes it a safe place for open conversations with community members who've been through similar experiences.
3 Easy Steps for Chatting Up a Lesbian
At first, chatting up lesbians online may feel a little intimidating, but it doesn't need to! You can make a great first impression in lots of ways. Follow these three easy steps.
1) Be confident! Above all, feel good about who you are and what you intend, so the woman you're talking to feels the same way. Don't ever lie about yourself or present yourself falsely. Honesty is essential.
2) Respect her time and attention. Some women won't want to chat, either because they aren't into you or because they don't feel like chatting at the moment. If that happens, don't take it personally; just move on to someone who might be interested!
3) Be original. Skip the cheesy lines unless you can make them funny. Let your personality come through.
A Compliment Makes a Sweet Icebreaker
Try Dating Sites Made for Lesbians. Dating apps built for lesbians rank among the best places to find them. What matters is staying respectful and not seeming like a stalker. Simply be yourself. The more she learns about you, the more she'll trust you.
Say something nice about her cat or dog, or even her lizard or bird. Yes, plenty of lesbians out there are bird and lizard people. When nothing original comes to mind, open with a compliment. A compliment helps the conversation flow more naturally and keeps her from being nervous about what you might ask.
We all like hearing compliments, lesbians included, and a compliment is among the simplest ways to get a conversation going. If someone strikes you as cute, go ahead and praise her makeup or her outfit. Chances are she'll be flattered and want to keep talking with you.
Pick the Right Emojis
You might even send her a few funny emojis carrying a message you think she'd enjoy. Funny emojis are a good way to open. After that, read the mood of the conversation to see whether she'd like it to stay lighthearted or get serious. And plenty of websites offer LGBT-related emojis, so browse around and choose your favorites.
Try a Flirty or Teasing Message
Early on, when you're first talking to a lesbian online, opening with a teasing message can help. It puts her more at ease with you and what you're after, which lets the conversation flow smoothly.
Messaging her about movies or other shared hobbies is an easy way to break the ice. Or ask which bands she likes or what kind of music she listens to. If you're feeling confident, send the first message and suggest chatting, or even a date. Often, just sending her a message is the simplest way to get a conversation with a lesbian going. Make your texts thoughtful and genuine. Skip dull openers such as “hey” or “what’s up?”
Come armed with something interesting to say, and feel free to ask questions. Find out about her passions, hobbies, and interests so you'll have something meatier to discuss when you meet face to face. That means actually reading her profile and noting whatever catches your interest. Not just at the start of the relationship but all the way through, look for chances to make her feel special. Everybody likes feeling special, and nothing does that better than showing interest.
Make Your Messages Original
Send messages that grab her attention and intrigue her enough to want to write back. A generic message will probably make her think you don't care all that much. Also avoid firing off the same message to lots of people at once.
Next, study her dating profile before you message her. Ideally, your interests will overlap with hers at least a little, giving you some common ground. Or begin by asking about what she's into and build from there. Finally, keep your messages sincere and honest, because trying too hard will read as creepy or desperate.
Give It Time
She may hold off on replying at first because the situation makes her nervous, but she might answer eventually. If she doesn't, that's completely OK: try again or move on, since the sea is full of fish. Funny memes tailored to her interests are another option. They can be about anything and needn't have anything to do with sexuality. Sometimes the whole point is getting a laugh. And if you know she loves puns or sarcasm, work those in, too.
Just Be You
Concentrate on being yourself, not some version of who you think you should be. Feeling nervous and explaining why you're there is fine, though it's smart to keep things short and simple. Talk about your interests or feelings (rather than just asking if she wants to chat), and she'll be far more likely to reply and open up. Let her know your nerves come from liking her a lot, then see how she reacts. Nerves are normal. When you really like someone, telling her so can feel like a big deal.
Stay Confident and Expect to Succeed
Being honest about it makes you easier to approach and less intimidating. Once she asks about your plans for next weekend, try something like “I’m not sure how I sound right now but I’ve been dying to talk to you! How about getting together in person?”
That spares her the pressure of working out where the conversation should go. And if she's comfortable chatting with you, it will show she feels sure of herself and of what she wants to happen next between you.
Don't be overly shy when chatting with a lesbian online. Remember that she might not answer right away. No reply doesn't necessarily mean she isn't interested in talking; it may just mean she hasn't gotten to it in her busy day. Stay patient and keep messaging until you hear back.
With Single Lesbians, Practice Makes Perfect
When you're messaging a lesbian, bring your confidence and your best flirting skills so she knows you're interested. She's more likely to reply if she feels she's being spoken to kindly by someone confident, friendly, and attractive.
Some lesbians will decide not to answer. If yours go unanswered, let it go. Don't keep harassing her if she hasn't replied after a few tries or has gone quiet. We're all busy and dealing with our own lives. Maybe she's met someone who now has all her attention. Don't take it personally. It can even be a good thing, since you'll quit spinning your wheels and move on.
Sometimes you'll be the one to move on, and sometimes she will. Go with the flow and keep making connections. There will be plenty of girls to date, and in time you'll find the one who suits you best for a while, or maybe for the long haul. What matters most is knowing your worth and value and trusting that you're lovable.
About the Author
By: Riley Hill
Lesbian Dating Expert
Riley Hill is a relationship coach guiding single lesbians to build loving, conscious connections on thecandiddate.com.
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