The Simple Dating Approach That Led to My Engagement

Last summer, the man I’d been with for four years proposed. We were on vacation in Cefalù, Sicily, and after a day swimming at the beach, he led me up to a gorgeous lookout point and popped the question.

Of course I said yes. We’re getting married in December of 2026, and I’m beyond excited.

I’d known for ages, truthfully pretty early on, that he was the one I wanted to marry. For several years leading up to the engagement, we’d talked openly about our plans to get married. We knew this was the real thing.

But ask 19-year-old me, right before we met, whether I’d be dating my future husband anytime soon, and I’d have told you no way. I knew I wanted a long-term relationship, but meeting my person at that age didn’t seem realistic (or socially encouraged).

Looking back, our meeting wasn’t destined, but I did take a few steps that made me receptive when love came knocking. Here’s a look at what helped me in my love life. It might help you, too.

I Knew What I Wanted

Love and marriage were always what I wanted. Dating a variety of people during high school and my first years of college was good for me, but casual flings never appealed to me, and I never saw relationships as something that tied me down.

Not long before my fiancé and I got together, I made up my mind to date with intention and find someone serious. It’s not as if I felt I needed to have a boyfriend, or that time was running out (like I said, I was 19). I simply wanted one.

In my eyes, a partner who loved me and had my back through the hard parts of being a young adult would help me, not hold me back.

I Dated Both Online and Off

So I began going on dates, mostly with guys from Hinge, plus a handful of guys from my college. They were fine.

Then a childhood friend of my former roommate came up from Gainesville, Florida, and stayed with us in Atlanta. We clicked, but nothing really came of it. Not until a few months later, when I visited the town where my roommate grew up and that same friend was there.

Soon we were texting from morning to night, and the rest is history!

I Tuned Out Age Stereotypes and Peer Pressure

Back then, my girlfriends and I felt some social pressure to act like we didn’t want anything serious, even when that’s exactly what we wanted.

There’s nothing at all wrong with choosing to stay single, but if a relationship is what you want, you should feel free to go after it wholeheartedly.

If I hadn’t been truthful with myself about my own wants, I’d never have considered dating someone outside my city. It would have seemed like too much work.

But I knew our connection was strong, and I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. Right from the start, he made me happy, and our relationship had such a sense of peace. I had no idea where it would lead, but I knew he was worth a shot.

I Welcomed Long Distance

When we got together, it seemed a little crazy to start a long-distance relationship. As far as I knew, distance was something that happened to couples who were already together, when one of them landed a new job or went to study abroad.

The only people I’d heard of starting long-distance relationships met their partners online, and I barely spent any time on the internet!

Funnily enough, though, I’m really glad our relationship began the way it did. The drive between Gainesville and Atlanta takes about five hours, so every six weeks or so, one of us would typically make the trip.

I Made the Effort and Spoke Up About My Needs

While we were apart, we kept up a near-constant text conversation and FaceTimed most evenings.

FaceTime is really where we got to know each other, so we spent a lot of time in genuine conversation during hours we might otherwise have spent watching movies in silence or running errands IRL.

Being long-distance also let us hold on to some of our independence during our first year together.

School kept me extremely busy. I graduated in three years, and for a big stretch of that time I was also working 30 hours a week, so juggling all my responsibilities while sharing a city with a boyfriend would have been tough.

By the time we were living in the same place, we felt secure enough in the relationship that a late night at work or a solo outing for either of us was no big deal.

I Chose to Commit

Precisely because we were long-distance, we had to decide fairly fast whether to get serious. If that seems backward, let me explain.

When you date someone in your own city, it’s easy to meet up a time or two each week without knowing whether it’ll last, or even whether you’re exclusive. Every friend of mine who’s single (or sort of single) has a situationship horror story.

It’s tempting to keep dating someone simply because they’re around and the stakes are low.

With long distance, though, you have to figure out fast whether a 10-hour round-trip drive to see someone is worth the enormous effort, along with staying in touch without the everyday physical closeness a short-distance relationship gives you.

Whenever one of us felt short on attention, or knew a busy week would make us harder to reach by phone, we had to speak plainly about what we needed and team up so we both felt supported and comfortable.

It laid a strong foundation for everything that followed.

If You Want Lasting Love, Take the Leap

I finished college a year before my fiancé did, and as soon as my apartment was packed up, I joined him in Gainesville. I was a little nervous about it.

We weren’t only taking a big step together; I was also relocating to a smaller city and hunting for a job (though I quickly landed one I loved).

Moving in together turned out to be a great choice for us. Since we’d spent so much time staying at each other’s places during visits, we already knew we were good at living together. Even so, signing a lease with someone is a big leap.

And we had a great time decorating our place, cooking dinner together, and relaxing on our porch every night. When I got into grad school, we relocated to New Orleans, and we still love sharing a home.

You don’t need to hurry into living together. For some couples, too, relocating for one partner’s job or school can muddy the power dynamic, particularly in straight couples.

Still, long-term partnerships take a little faith that each of you will make sacrifices or leap for the other. I relocated for my fiancé, and later he relocated for me.

I’m so happy we found each other, and that each of us had the courage to do the work it took to make our relationship succeed. Bring on whatever adventures come next!