Winks on Dating Sites: What They Mean

Online dating may ease some of the nerves that come with meeting people in person, but writing to a stranger through an app or website can still feel daunting. For that reason, plenty of dating platforms now offer winks, a small feature meant to help you break the ice.

A wink is a virtual nudge that tells potential matches they’ve attracted your attention. It takes less time and effort than a proper introduction, and many platforms let you use it for free.

Match has made the wink an official feature, while other dating sites offer “likes” or “icebreakers” instead, though every version serves the same purpose. Think of it as a tap on the shoulder in digital form, and a great first move for anyone online who doesn’t yet feel sure enough to put themselves out there.

The Psychology of a Wink

Match ranks among the most popular sites that use winks. According to the site, a wink is an “easy way for members to flirt and express initial interest” with no need to write out a full message.

For free members, it’s a low-risk way to hand the next move to someone else. An unanswered wink simply stings less than an opening message that gets left on read.

Why Do People Use Winks in Online Dating?

Winks are catching on across online dating, so it pays to understand how they work. By Match’s own estimate, over 735,000 winks go out from its members on an average day.

A wink can get a conversation going, and some no doubt have ended in long-term relationships. They come in especially handy when you’ve just joined a dating site and haven’t decided whether a subscription that unlocks extra features is worth buying.

They also let you test the waters while showing someone that their profile caught your eye.

The downside is that a wink won’t help anyone learn much about the person on the other end. It’s a handy tool, but it falls short of icebreaker questions, which get people talking by touching on thought-provoking topics.

Winks Can Serve As Nonverbal Cues

The era of nonstop pickup lines and unsolicited messaging has passed, which is probably a good thing. Worn-out lines land with less force, and they can come across as awkward, offensive, or overly sexual. These days, a single click is enough to show someone you’re interested.

Tinder and other swiping apps were built for quick connections, yet plenty of users don’t care for a fast-and-furious style of romance. Coming on too strong, or pushing to meet in person too soon, can put potential dates off.

With a wink, you can tell another online dater you find them attractive and leave it at that. It quietly gives them the go-ahead to reach out if they’d like, with no pressure attached.

When you swap winks, you both put a seal of approval on the match before the conversation starts.

How Should Recipients Interpret A Wink?

Winking is flirting in digital form. The sender is saying they’re drawn to your pictures or profile and want to learn more about you. Still, winks aren’t exclusive: whoever sent you one may have sent several others to find out who answers.

When a wink comes from someone who interests you, it’s sensible to reply with a wink or a message of your own. Nothing heavy is required, but it usually helps to show a potential partner that their nudge landed well and that you’d like to take the next step.

You might be tempted to open with your list of dealbreakers. Wondering whether the person who winked has everything you want in a partner is natural, but slow down.

Dating experts advise holding off on dealbreakers until the conversation has moved on its own toward serious subjects and talk about relationships. Whoever winked probably isn’t ready for personal topics right away; at first, they’re just getting a feel for you.

What People Get Wrong About Winks

When a wink arrives from someone you don’t see as a compatible match, there’s no need to stress about a reply. A wink is a casual exchange. Leave it unanswered, and you shouldn’t expect to hear more from that potential suitor.

Getting a wink doesn’t automatically mean the sender wants to date you or start a serious relationship.

More often, they just want you to know your photos or profile appealed to them. Consider it a compliment that promises nothing about the future. You may still turn out to be incompatible somehow, and only time will show whether this online exchange grows into a relationship or fizzles out entirely.

The Upsides & Downsides

Each online dating feature is useful in some way, though a few drawbacks come with it too. Below, we cover the good and the bad you can expect from sending that virtual wink.

Advantages of Using Winks

Winks offer a lot of benefits in online dating, particularly if meeting someone new makes you anxious.

Shy people and introverts can find it hard to reach out. Online dating, though, is a great way to work past social anxiety, and winks can help a newcomer ease into it.

A wink says “I’d like to meet you,” quickly and without overthinking. And the more of these interactions you have, the more sure of your online dating skills you’ll become.

Drawbacks and Considerations

Winks do have downsides, though, especially if you tend to freeze up when it’s time to follow up.

A wink won’t always make you stand out among all the other swipers, so it isn’t guaranteed to work as an opening move. Earning a reply can take a bit more personality and creativity.

Someone who likes your profile may well answer your wink, but a wink offers little to build a conversation on. And a shy match may find it hard to get talking from a wink alone.

Sending a wink is quick and costs little. Send too many, though, and your online dating experience can suffer.

Once you’ve sent so many winks that you can’t keep track of who got one, online dating can start to feel chaotic. Overused, winks can also turn into a nuisance. Keep them for people who genuinely interest you, and stick to one wink per person.

Winking at people when you have no interest in going further is poor manners. No one should read much into a wink, but sending them to people you’ll ignore later can still hurt. If you already know you’re incompatible, don’t waste their time.

Winks can help, but lean on them too heavily and they lose their purpose entirely.

Sooner or later, moving an online relationship forward means sending an email or a direct message. If you don’t, you’ll end up stuck in relationship limbo. Without some initiative on your part, a would-be romance can shrink to nothing more than an online acquaintanceship.

4 Best Practices When You Make a Move Online

Once you start to chat on a dating platform, good manners matter if you’d like the conversation to lead somewhere. These guidelines will help you make a strong first impression.

1. Send a Wink If You’re Intrigued by a Profile

Send a wink when a profile interests you. It’s an easy way to find out whether a potential match feels the same about you. And if they don’t, no harm done: the exchange was brief and took no time, effort, or emotion.

2. Follow Up with Words

When they return the wink, answer with words rather than a second wink. Ask an icebreaker question or bring up something from their profile, which always works well because it proves you read what they wrote.

“Hi there! I like how you mentioned ____ in your profile. Can you tell me more about that?”

Your messages shouldn’t focus only on their looks. Be upfront about what you want, and don’t act like someone you’re not. Trust is the foundation the best relationships are built on.

3. Respond Quickly to Incoming Winks

Other winks may keep coming in while you’re chatting with someone, and answering those new matches isn’t cheating. If someone looks promising, reply with a wink or a message. A wink doesn’t create any kind of commitment; it’s just an easy, casual part of dating.

Besides, in the first stages of online dating, there’s nothing wrong with talking to several people at once. Just answer honestly if someone asks about exclusivity or a serious relationship, a step that should wait until you’ve met in person.

4. Keep Realistic Expectations

Sometimes you’ll send a wink and get no reply. Try not to take it personally; the other person may have been trying out the site, or may not have known how to act on their first reaction. A wink can also be nothing more than a passing compliment that leads nowhere.

If the spark fades after that first contact, don’t push anyone into talking. Take it as it comes and enjoy yourself.

Winks Let You Show Interest Without Saying a Word

For shy people and anyone new to dating apps, a wink feature can make a real difference. It’s a great icebreaking tool, as long as you don’t overdo it.

Still, when it comes to forming a real connection, words have no equal. Treat any wink you get as a compliment, one that should lift your mood however things turn out. Even if the sender never follows up, it’s a pleasant sign that people are noticing your dating profile.