A Pro’s 5 Little-Known Dating App Tricks

“Dating apps suck.” It’s the #1 complaint I get, both from clients and from people who listen to the Dates & Mates podcast.

Sure, online dating can be discouraging these days. But I’ve coached singles for 18 years and worked behind the scenes at plenty of dating apps, OkCupid, Bumble, and Match among them, and I can tell you the app isn’t the problem. What matters is the way you use it.

Dating apps are a game, and every game has secrets and shortcuts that help you win. Luckily, I’ve got the cheat codes.

1. Build a Sticky Profile

Your profile is basically your opening line in a conversation. Pick photos that tell your story (your pets, your travels, your hobbies), and people can quickly get a feel for who you are and find common ground with you.

Once you reach the prompts or bio section, load it up with keywords. In other words, share lots of specific details about yourself, in words other people might connect with.

So rather than writing “I love listening to music,” try “I always listen to Fleetwood Mac when I’m cooking.”

Certain apps build keyword matching right into their algorithms. Others hide ways to search by keyword, letting you find profiles that mention “family” and “dogs.” Or even “pizza” and “bird watching.”

A client I wrote about in my book got matched to her husband because both of their profiles mentioned motorcycles. They’d attended the same high school, worked for the same company, and lived only a few miles apart, yet it took my keyword search to connect them.

In the end, matches want a thread they can use to connect with you. Hand them something specific to reply to, and both your matches and your messages will improve (plus you’ll dodge the dreaded “hey,” “wyd,” and “how was your weekend” texts that seldom lead to anything meaningful).

Details like these lodge in people’s minds, making you unique and memorable. I can still recall my husband working the digital underground lyric “I like my oatmeal lumpy” into his profile. That was sticky, both literally and figuratively.

2. Track How Your Profile Performs

After your profile goes live, keep an eye on the results. Notice which photo gets the most likes, then move it higher in the lineup or make it your main picture.

Watch which pictures or prompts earn you replies that turn into dates (not just empty likes). As real-time feedback comes in, tweak your profile a little at a time.

Every time you make updates, you not only make your profile stickier, you also get an algorithm boost and are visible to more matches!

Hot tip: skip AI shortcuts and features that promise to pick your best photos. They’ll go for cute shots that might score lots of likes, but that doesn’t mean they’re drawing in the matches that suit you best.

The app’s aim is to keep you on the platform. I know it’s tempting to rack up likes like points on a leaderboard. Just remember that the point isn’t winning the most likes. It’s taking things offline and making real connections.

3. Adjust Your Filters

When you’re new to an app, it will show you to everyone who more or less fits your criteria, just to test how your profile does with its popular users. You’ll swipe through the options fast and, within a few weeks, you’ll inevitably have run through everyone exciting.

After that, you’re stuck waiting for fresh meat, prowling like a hungry tiger. Not cute.

Experiment with your filters. Widening your range by just a few miles, or your age range by a few years, can unlock a fresh pocket of matches. Change filters one by one so you can pinpoint where your block may have been.

Singles in rural areas won’t benefit from this, but some big-city daters say narrowing their filters actually brings better matches, since their profile gets pushed to a tighter group.

Fiddle with the filters until you find what works, but go easy on “dealbreakers” (or skip them entirely). If you don’t, anyone in that category won’t be able to see you.

4. Try Cycling

Your next move is Cycling, an idea I introduced on “The Drew Barrymore Show” a couple of years back. Move to a different app for four to six more weeks to get that new-profile boost again.

Even if you’ve used that app in the past, a return after some time away can load up your queue, bringing in matches you didn’t see during your absence. When that well dries up too, cycle back to the original app.

Use one app at a time so you don’t get overwhelmed, and be sure to reply promptly to the people you’ve matched with.

Back when I consulted for dating apps, I looked at the stats and saw response rates fall off after roughly 48 hours. So keep the conversation going, then take it from the DMs to real dates.

Black Belt Tip: If it still feels like the good matches have run out, head to the “delete your account” button. The app will ask why you’re leaving. Pick the option saying there’s no one you’re interested in, and it will wipe your match history and restart your algorithm while leaving your current matches and DMs where they are.

5. Paying to Play

If it seems to you that dating apps lock the top matches behind a paywall and restrict what you can do unless you pay, you’re right.

Rather than getting annoyed that apps that were once free now cost money, be strategic about which features you pay for. They absolutely do make a difference.

Most apps let you pay to see who’s already liked you, which saves time by taking you straight to those people.

Plenty of my celebrity and privacy-minded clients find that going incognito, so you’re shown only to people you’ve matched with first, more than justifies the upgrade. Paying for extra search or matching features can also surface prospects you couldn’t see before.

Open to love somewhere else? Swiping outside your ZIP code or lining up dates ahead of a trip could come in handy. Paid features widen your options, which makes this a hack you might not be able to afford to skip.

Every Good Strategy Takes Effort and Follow-Through

Here’s the advice I give my clients: If you want to win at online dating, be strategic. Figure out which features would spare you time or stress, and test them one by one (preferably at a point when you’re willing to go “all-in” and stay active on the apps). Then gauge how well they worked.

Did you land more dates? Receive more messages? Did online dating start to feel less hopeless? Every one of those counts as a win, so double down on whatever’s working.

We were fooled into thinking online dating beats the old-fashioned way of meeting for ease. It isn’t easy. Like any tech, it’ll frustrate us if we use it wrong or don’t know its hidden shortcuts.

But with some strategy and a bit of effort, you can take back the driver’s seat in your love life.