Video Calls in Dating: What to Know

Video calls once seemed like futuristic stuff fit for an EPCOT ride. Today, plenty of online dating platforms let you connect by video, so it’s fair to say the future is here.

During the COVID-19 lockdowns, video chats turned into a must-have dating tool. Many daters now go on a video date as a routine step before meeting face to face.

To get the most out of your video chats, it helps to understand why video chatting has become so popular and how to present your best self.

Once you’ve got the full picture on video calls, it’s easy to make them work in your favor when you date.

How Video Chat Took Off

Believe it or not, the first video call technology made its debut in 1927, and it flopped commercially. People simply weren’t willing to shell out thousands of dollars for the privilege of fixing their makeup ahead of each phone call.

Video chatting finally caught on, though it took decades of tech development to get there. Skype gave it a go in the early aughts, but it didn’t really take off until Apple introduced FaceTime in 2010.

Even so, after FaceTime and ChatRoulette had proven successful, dating platforms dragged their feet on adding video options for users.

Only a global pandemic managed to shake things up on dating platforms. The lockdowns set off a boom in video call features built into matchmaking.

The Pandemic Prompted a Change

Before COVID-19 hit, only a handful of casual dating apps and hookup sites offered video chat features. It stayed a niche feature right up until lockdowns made it essential.

As the pandemic went on, a growing number of mainstream dating sites and apps rolled out video chat tools, which helped users connect virtually while everyone was locked down.

In April 2020, Match rolled out Vibe Check, and eharmony followed shortly with a video date tool. Before long, every self-respecting online dating service had video chat as a standard feature.

Now that meeting in public no longer feels risky, Match and eharmony have both scaled back their video functions, though voice and video contact features remain available on most dating apps and sites.

Some inventive dating apps are even built around users trading short video messages to get acquainted.

Current Popularity

Social distancing may be a thing of the past, but video chats are still popular, particularly with Gen Z singles.

When dating sites and apps introduced video calling in 2020, the industry broadly agreed that demand would only grow once the so-called TikTok Generation started trying online dating.

These days, apps aimed at Gen Zers, like Snack, are built almost completely around video chat.

According to a survey reported by Business Insider, 65% of singles between 18 and 27 would rather have their first dates online. Respondents pointed to their comfort zones, convenience, and cost as reasons.

Video chat will be key for online dating platforms hoping to bring in more Gen Zers. Younger daters like to keep things digital, but they want a deeper connection than texting alone can give them.

How Video Calling Works

Because video chatting is so accessible, getting to know people is easy. All it takes is a camera, a connection (internet or cellular data), and a comfy spot to sit and talk.

Some online dating platforms come with built-in video chat tools, but you don’t have to use the site’s or app’s own calling feature. If you’d like a more independent connection with a potential date, you can go with Zoom, Skype, Google Meet, or FaceTime.

You can only use FaceTime on an iPhone or iPad.

Getting set up takes little effort, whether you use a dating site’s or app’s own feature or move to a separate video chat platform. Tinder’s video chat lets you start a call on the spot once you’ve swapped a few messages, though you may prefer to schedule a date in advance.

When it’s time, find a quiet, calm spot where you can hear each other clearly.

Confirm that your headset or speakers, microphone, and camera all work. Settle into a comfortable position in front of a nice, neutral background.

Next, take a breath, open the chat, then tap or click to send or accept a call. As soon as you’re connected, start talking. Most platforms keep it simple: a click or tap to connect and hang up, plus a few filters or backgrounds for fun.

The Upsides for Dating

When it comes to dating, video chat offers a whole range of benefits, particularly for singles on online dating platforms.

Video lets you connect more deeply while still keeping a safe distance, so getting to know someone carries few risks.

It’s Convenient

Laptops, tablets, smartphones, and plenty of other gadgets come with cameras and internet access, making a video date as easy as texting or picking up the phone. Squeeze in a short video chat during your lunch break, or plan a virtual dinner date with a potential partner for a set time; neither one disrupts your daily routine.

You aren’t stuck with your dating app’s built-in video chat feature, either. Skype, Zoom, Google Meet, and plenty of other platforms let you arrange a video conference on the spot or in advance, with as much security as you’d like. It takes minutes to get going, and you can chat as long as you please.

Best of all, distance doesn’t matter, apart from time zones. You and a prospective match can talk at whatever time of day suits you best.

It’s Safe

Some things don’t come across well in text. Video chats help you understand someone while keeping enough distance to stay safe.

You’ll get a far better sense of your date’s personality than texts or emails would give you.

A video call also offers a peek at someone’s lifestyle. A camera lens only reveals so much about someone’s habits or home, but video chats give you at least some sense of how they live.

Beginning with a video call can help you build trust in a new online relationship.

You’ll know better what you’re in for when you meet in person, provided you’re comfortable doing that.

It’s Successful

Plenty of people rely on video chatting to screen potential partners for red flags, and it does the job well. You can spot people using old photos, weed out would-be catfishers, and pick up on someone’s vibe before you agree to meet in person.

Match introduced Vibe Check in 2020 as a safe way for users to date. A pre-pandemic survey showed that just 7% of Match users wanted a video chat feature. During the Covid lockdowns, that figure shot up to 69%.

Video chats aren’t only for filtering out bad matches; whole relationships can grow on camera. Kirsten and Dominick met online during the Covid lockdowns and used eharmony’s video date feature. They’d already clicked by the time they started dating in person, and they got engaged in 2021.

Journalist Anna-Sophie Dreussi’s experiences with Tinder’s video chat feature were mixed, but in the end she found several dates that made for fun, interesting interactions.

Overall, video calls make it simpler to filter out bad matches early on. That means you discover chemistry with potential partners faster, which leads to more dating success.

Challenges and Other Things to Consider

Video calls offer a convenient, safe, and effective means of getting acquainted, but they still come with challenges and issues worth thinking about.

You’ll video chat more successfully once you learn to handle the technical hiccups and the social awkwardness that comes built in.

Technical Issues

No matter what device you use, technical problems can pop up during a video call. Your internet or cellular data can lag, freezing the chat for a few seconds or minutes, or dropping it altogether.

Lag and spotty data transfer can knock the audio out of sync, which throws the conversation off.

Some cameras and devices handle video better than others. Older laptops and cheaper devices with low-resolution cameras can produce grainy images or a blurry video feed.

Tech trouble won’t ruin everything, but it does put a damper on the experience. Planning ahead is smart, so glitches and missed connections don’t catch you off guard.

Check your equipment. Do a practice call to check the speed and stability of your connection, whether it’s internet or data. Learn the basics of troubleshooting so you can deal with problems as they arise.

A bit of prep will make you feel more confident heading into the conversation, so everybody wins!

Camera Shyness

For some people, video calls feel more intimidating than talking face to face.

Even someone who’s supremely confident in person might feel nervous and awkward in front of a camera.

Body language doesn’t come through well on video chats, since you usually see only a limited slice of the other person in the frame.

To beat camera shyness, keep practicing until being on camera feels comfortable. Film yourself a few times and play the clips back.

It might feel strange at first, but with time and repeated recording and viewing, you should begin to feel more at ease. The process, known as desensitization, relies on repeated exposure to ease anxiety or discomfort about an experience.

Consider dressing up for video dates. That won’t work, of course, if you hop onto a video chat spontaneously, but if the call is planned, go ahead and wear your favorite outfit.

Putting on nice clothes, doing your hair, and sprucing yourself up before the call can give your confidence a lift.

If none of these camera-shyness tips work, video chat may just not suit you. If so, think about less invasive ways to stay in touch, like sending pictures, voice notes, or voice chatting.

Potentially Awkward

An in-person date usually happens in a public place with other people around, like a bar, a coffee shop, a restaurant, a movie theater, or even a park. Video calls work differently: the whole experience centers on your interaction, and the two of you are all that’s driving the conversation.

That intense one-on-one setup can feel awkward at first, and getting past the early stiffness and discomfort isn’t easy.

Think about a few strategies to work through this awkwardness. Most of the trick is learning to relax and making peace with discomfort.

Resist the urge to clam up. Keep going instead by asking the other person about themselves, and try to stay in the moment.

It can be smart to get some practice in before your first video date. Call a friend on FaceTime, or try chatting with strangers as you go about your day.

You could even write yourself a few scripts on small-talk topics, so you won’t feel cornered once the video chat is underway.

Video chats come with awkward moments, so expect them and make a plan to face that awkwardness before you ever turn on the camera.

6 Tips for Video Dates That Go Well

On video dates, you want to make the best first impression you can, and that takes intention.

As with any first date, try to play up your good qualities and steer clear of off-putting mistakes. A bit of planning goes a long way!

1. Choose a Nice Background

Lots of people rely on Zoom, Google Meet, and similar video conferencing tools while working from home. You probably already know how much a nice backdrop matters on a video chat.

Keep your video chat background clean and tidy, and let it reveal at least a bit of your personality. A bedroom wall works perfectly well, provided the room is neat.

A clean, attractive backdrop will help you make a good impression on your dates.

Think about what message your background choice might send. If your bed is in the shot, it could give the conversation a slightly more sexual feel than you intended, or maybe that’s exactly the vibe you want.

If you’d rather not show your living space, you can pick a virtual background. You might even want to design a virtual background of your own so it looks more realistic.

2. Make Sure Your Internet is Working

One of my biggest video chat pet peeves is a call that freezes or drops mid-sentence. The simplest way to spare yourself that frustration is regular testing of your internet.

Whether you’re on Wi-Fi or cellular data, checking your connection’s quality and speed often will show you when trouble is more likely.

Plenty of online tools can measure your internet speed, while step-by-step guides show you how to test how solid your internet connection is.

A weak internet connection could lead to a weak love connection.

Keeping regular tabs on your internet or data connection lets you notice the times and places where it’s weaker or slower, so you can schedule your video calls around them.

Watching your connection also builds useful troubleshooting skills, so you’ll be able to sort out any problem that crops up mid-chat in no time.

3. Have Some Icebreakers Written Down

As on a more traditional date, getting the conversation going on a video call can feel intimidating.

The upside is that video dates let you use cheat sheets. Write down some conversation topics or icebreakers and stick them on the wall, somewhere in your line of sight but out of your date’s view. Here are some examples:

• Favorite places to travel
• Pets or hobbies
• Childhood memories
• Friends or family members you look up to

These conversation starters needn’t be invasive or complicated. Relax; you won’t need a long list of brilliant topics. A few notes about interesting subjects to bring up with your date will do.

You can get the video chat off on the right foot by asking hypothetical questions and lighthearted personal ones tied to your interests.

With a few icebreakers ready before the video starts, you’ll have something to fall back on to revive the conversation if it stalls.

Brainstorming some questions and topics that interest you can make you feel more confident as the chat begins.

4. Remove Distractions

Video dating a potential partner isn’t exactly like a work video call, but much of the same etiquette holds.

Clear away distractions from your space so your attention stays on your date and theirs stays on you.

Pick a quiet, calm spot for your video chat. That can be tricky if you’re being spontaneous, but when you plan a video date, part of the prep should be picking a time and a spot that are free of noise and bustle.

Make sure nothing will interrupt you so you can give your video date your full attention.

Turn off the TV. Skip the music and games while you talk. Don’t eat unless the plan is a virtual dinner date. In general, resist the urge to multitask during a video chat.

Keep interruptions to a minimum. If you have pets, feed them and take care of them before the call starts. Animals can be a wildcard on a planned call, of course, but at least you’ll learn whether your potential partner has a problem with your pet before you ever meet.

A video date exists so you can connect and interact with someone new. That’s hard to do well when you’re surrounded by distractions, so do what you can to clear them away and focus on your date.

5. Practice Active Listening

A video chat is meant to build a deeper connection before you meet face to face. The best way to make the most of that connection is to practice active listening with your date, which lets you truly get to know them.

Active listening means listening to someone with a high degree of attention. Rather than simply hearing what they say so you can respond, you’re working toward mutual understanding.

Pay close attention to the conversation, since it can reveal a lot about someone’s habits and goals.

Actively listening to someone means digging deeper into what they tell you to get more context and detail about their feelings, experiences, opinions, and thoughts.

Building your active listening skills will pay off in video chats and in your everyday life, too.

Jotting notes while your date is talking on video might feel awkward, but asking follow-up questions and encouraging them to say more is easy.

Listening more closely to a potential partner helps you form a stronger connection from the start, which can ease some of the anxiety that comes with video chatting.

6. Schedule a Follow-Up

When a video date goes well, set up a follow-up video chat, the same way you’d schedule a second date after a great first date in person.

When the chemistry with a potential partner is instant, propose a day and time for another chat.

Carving out time for a second date shows where you stand.

That said, if you’d rather skip the string of video chats and move to meeting in real life, it’s crucial to get things moving.

As the conversation begins to wind down, feel free to ask your potential partner whether meeting up in person would make sense. If it went just as well for them as it did for you, that should be easy.

It can feel intimidating to request a second date, but as long as you’re simple and direct about it, the nerves should fade fast.

After all, when you really click with someone, you’ll naturally want more time together! Take the lead and schedule a phone call, a second video chat, or a date in person.

Making the Most of Easy Video Connections

Video chat features help singles bond more deeply than text alone allows. They help you decide whether it’s worth meeting a potential partner face to face. Think of it as a peek into their life before you leap.

Video calls have their challenges, but they’re still a powerful, popular way to make online dating feel more personal. So get the camera rolling and see what kind of chemistry you have with a potential match!