Personal Ads for Dating: What They Are and How to Use Them

Load a caveman into your time machine, bring him to the present, and he’ll grunt out something like: “Wow, a lot has changed!” We have indoor plumbing, gadgets that sit in the palm of a hand and let us talk to anyone, and huge wheeled metal machines that take us anywhere we like. The one thing that’s stayed the same, he’d add, is our wish to find love.

Dating personals are ads that singles post when they’re looking for a romantic partner.

Since the Stone Age, people have gone looking for meaningful bonds and loving partnerships. They’ve slipped each other notes and taken out newspaper ads, finding every possible way to put themselves out there. With digital listings now on our phones, spotting new chances has never been simpler.

Thanks to new technology, people can connect on a scale nobody has seen before, and our hairy, grunting forebears surely never saw it coming.

This guide traces how dating personals have changed, digs into the forms they take (there aren’t many), and lays out some pros and cons worth weighing. By the time you finish, I hope you’ll have everything you need to make your dating goals happen.

What Dating Personals Are

Put simply, dating personals are listings in which singles describe themselves, say what they want in a partner, and leave contact details so potential matches can reach out.

Rupert Holmes’ well-known “Piña Colada Song” is the clearest illustration of how these listings work. You’ve heard the chorus: it echoes through wedding receptions, retirement parties, and upscale beach resorts around the globe.

This classic American bop is sung by a man who is “tired of his lady” and wants a way out. He comes across a personal ad (another name for a “dating personal”) in the paper. Funnily enough, the woman who placed it also wants to escape a dull relationship. She writes:

“If you like piña coladas /

And gettin’ caught in the rain /

If you’re not into yoga /

If you have half a brain…”

Clearly sure the two of them are a match, the narrator answers by placing an ad of his own:

“Yes, I like piña coladas /

Gettin’ caught in the rain /

I’m not much into health food /

I am into champagne…”

Spoiler alert: When he shows up to meet his ideal woman, it turns out the person behind the ad was his current partner the whole time. It’s a twist worthy of M. Night Shyamalan (the good kind).

Besides whipping up mayhem at any boozy party, the song shows how dating personals can unite people over shared interests. Piña coladas and other tropical-fruit drinks may not be your thing, but a personal ad lets you spell out exactly what you are into. That way the nos get screened out, and the maybes and yeses get a clearer path.

Kinds of Dating Personals

Dating personals come in just two varieties: the ones printed in newspapers and the ones posted on digital platforms.

In the Newspaper

Newspaper personals, like the ones in “The Piña Colada Song,” were a popular way to meet prospective suitors before the internet arrived. A single person in search of love would pick out a photo or two, share a few details about themselves, and list the traits they wanted in a partner.

Take this personal ad from 1727, which says:

“UPRIGHT YOUNG LADY LOOKING FOR A WARM HEARTH — Single female with good education, moral fibre, and unbending principles. Patient and sedate. Seeking a kind, gentle partner; clergyman preferred. Favourite pastime: reading and correspondence.”

Newspapers still run ads like these, but you’ll rarely spot one. Chalk up another casualty to the internet. Which brings us to…

On the Web 

Online personals are far more common now. In the last 20 years or so, these romantic offers have either moved online (to websites such as Pernals or Doublelist) or been almost entirely (key word: almost) replaced by apps such as Match, Tinder, and Bumble.

Why Dating Personals Exist

There may be fewer dating personal sites each year, but they still play a useful role in modern dating. Here’s how.

Connecting Individuals Seeking Relationships

Once you’ve left the college bubble for the real world, meeting new romantic prospects, or new people at all, gets harder and harder.

Posting personal ads helps ease that problem.

An ad online puts your details in a digital space where plenty of people can see them and get in touch if they want to learn more. Online personals could light a spark of romance with a total stranger.

Facilitating Communication and Matchmaking

Today’s online personals offer singles a range of communication tools for getting acquainted. They can send private messages or even a calendar invite to a video meeting.

Through video calls, chat rooms, or messaging systems, you and the people you’re talking to can compare notes and judge for yourselves whether it’s a good match.

If you sense potential, you can carry this online flirt-fest into real life (meaning it’s time to plan that first date).

Tailoring Search Criteria to Specific Preferences

The majority of mainstream dating apps show you matches based on some kind of compatibility calculation. An algorithm works out that compatibility, and the formula varies a little from one platform to the next.

Dating personals, by contrast, cut algorithms out entirely and let the people looking for love decide for themselves who’s compatible.

You can browse local listings for as long as you like, or trim the choices with search filters that might cover things like interests, dating goals (casual, long-term, and so on), age range, and distance.

How to Use Dating Personals (4 Steps)

Our dating options aren’t confined to classmates, coworkers, or friends of friends anymore. Personal ads let us wander into new dating pools and tiptoe beyond our usual social circles.

1. Create a Dating Profile

Building a profile for a personal ad feels a lot like setting one up on Instagram or Facebook. Depending on where you post, you’ll probably need a recent photo plus some basics about yourself (where you live, how old you are, your hobbies, and so on).

Here’s my advice: Don’t half-a$$ it. Every relevant detail you share gives would-be suitors more to go on.

2. Select Date Preferences

Landing a hottie is nice, but if looks were all it took to be compatible, the world would look very different, and couples from “Love Island” would have a success rate above 5%.

Get specific about the qualities, beyond appearance, that you hope a partner has, and describe the relationship you picture having down the road.

Say you want something casual? Put it in writing. Need a date for a wedding this weekend? Put it in writing. Finally ready to meet the Ron to your Hermione? Put it in writing. Being direct pays off.

3. Search the Personals List

With your profile built and your preferences laid out, you get to the fun bit: searching! Filter out profiles beyond your ideal distance, outside your age range, or with dating goals that don’t match yours, which leaves more room for people closer to what you want.

4. Start Messaging

You don’t have to match with each other first! When you spot a promising suitor, lean on your wit, charm, and emoji skills to build rapport. The first messages don’t need to be deep; just keep asking good questions!

Try asking about something that caught your eye on their profile, trade funny memes, or (if you’d rather cut to the chase) go straight to setting up a first date or phone call.

Some apps build video calls right into the platform, so you can test the chemistry without swapping numbers or meeting face to face.

The Upsides of Dating Personals

If singer-songwriter Rupert Holmes found love through dating personals, why shouldn’t we? Here are the biggest advantages of going this digital route.

Accessibility and Convenience

Social circles naturally get smaller after we finish school and start working, so building new connections gets tougher over the years. Dating personals, though, give singles access to hundreds or even thousands of intriguing people with a single tap.

Control Over Search Criteria

On dating apps, your say over which potential matches you’re shown only goes so far. You can list preferences and tweak filters, sure, but ultimately the platform’s algorithm calls the shots.

Dating personals, by contrast, put you in charge. Rather than trusting a mathematical formula to pick your ideal partner, you can go with your own discretion (if you dare) and lean on filters to make searching easier.

Time-Saving

Oddly enough, looking for love eats up a lot of time. A personal ad site can save you plenty of it, because it opens up a far bigger dating pool than you’d ever run into naturally. Add search filters, and you’ll shave off even more of those hours.

Anonymous Browsing

Dating can feel very private and personal, particularly when you’re only beginning to put yourself out there. Fortunately, most personal ad sites let you look for partners anonymously, so you can play your cards close to your chest.

Drawbacks to Keep in Mind

Every yin comes with a yang. These are the main hurdles singles run into when they add dating personals to their love-seeking arsenal.

Manage Expectations

You know how it goes: All is fair in love and war. Whether you meet someone online or the old-fashioned way, you could always get hurt or turned down, so it helps to go in with realistic expectations. Stay rooted in self-confidence, hold on to your values, and keep in mind that good things take time.

Keep an Eye Out for Scammers

The internet is crawling with sneaky, creepy, and downright nasty people hoping to exploit users who don’t see it coming. Online romance scams claimed nearly 70,000 people as victims in 2022 alone.

So you don’t end up as one more statistic, learn the warning signs of a catfish and other kinds of scammers before you set out on your search for love.

Data Hacks and Security Risks

Sadly, stories about data breaches and illegal data mining have become a near-permanent fixture on the front pages of our go-to news outlets. With that in mind, it’s worth stressing that any time you build an online presence, there’s a risk your personal information gets stolen.

Really, the only way to lower that risk is to post listings on trustworthy platforms with strong security to protect their users. And, naturally, say a prayer to the online dating gods.

Try Dating Personals With Confidence

Clearly, how we find romance has shifted dramatically in the past 30 years. “The Piña Colada Song” is a perfect showcase for the way dating personals operate, and for the tricks they can play on you now and then.

As more singles grow tired of the major dating apps and crave more control over finding a partner, these digital listings could be the fresh (well, not all that fresh) alternative people want. They’re handy, simple to use, and hand more of the matchmaking power back to the one person who understands you better than an algorithm ever could: you.

Whatever hurdles you run into, it’s worth a try if the payoff is finding the love of your life. Failing that, you might at least land a charming wedding date, someone you first met online. Either way, the happy ending might involve getting a little tipsy and belting out “The Piña Colada Song,” your favorite 1970s pop hit about tropical drinks and summer rain.